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Will This Man Commit To Me?

by Amber Nash
(Oakland, Ca, USA)

I'm struggling with my uncommitted boyfriend. I've got a 5 year old child, and am really looking for stability, whereas I feel my boyfriend is going to be looking elsewhere, soon...

"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: Should I leave him now? Or give things more time?


MORE FROM Amber...

My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months. We've already had some problems, though we don't really fight much over all.

There's just a lot of uncertainty.

Our relationship started off very strong and moved fast. He came on strong, I really thought he was wanting a serious committed relationship. I don't think he's ready for one.

Both of us I think doubt his ability to be happy and faithful to me. We have not openly said that to each other. But he tells me he doesn't know if he can take on the huge responsibility of our relationship.

I am a single mom of a 5 year old. I don't think he ever wanted to be in step-dad type of position. When he met me I think he thought he was going to just have some fun with me and didn't plan on having real feelings for me.

I also don't think he's ready to be with one women forever.

His parents are putting a lot of pressure on the relationship because they love my son. They want us to get married. He doesn't want to consider that right now.

Really, I think he doesn't want to give up not getting to be with other women. I feel like if I stay with him, we will break up later. Or he will cheat on me eventually.

There is an attachment between us.

I care about him deeply and we are very affectionate to each other.

But I am becoming very depressed and hopeless.

I want a family for me and my son. I want to have more children. My sadness is effecting the relationship.

I told him that I am going to give him until the end of the summer to figure out his feelings and what he wants. That probably was not the best thing to do, but I don't like dragging this out with so much uncertainty.

Help please ..


 

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Comments for Will This Man Commit To Me?

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Under Pressure!
by: Steve

Hi

When I read your question I had a lot of empathy for your situation, for what you are looking for from your boyfriend and what you do not seem to be getting.

But then I also could see it from your boyfriend's point of view too. He clearly likes you, a lot, and he's also not sure.

Add to that the pressures - coming from you, and from your parents - and I can see how this man is starting to doubt himself, and what he wants.

Perhaps it might be better to focus on what's going well wtih you two, rather or this "will he or won't he commit?" issue.

Perhaps if you started enjoying yourselves again, you'd both relax a bit more, both realise that you want to be in each other's lives...

Or perhaps that won't happen. I just don't think putting pressure on someone is the best way to get them to be in a relationship.

There is another way...

Steve

PS I can highly recommend The Relationship Handbook by George Pransky, as a great way to find a loving, peaceful middle way

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