Why Am I Being So Selfish?
I am not very successful in relationships, and I know why: I want a lot, and give a little. Relationships terrify me, actually. Please help...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: I only live for relationships with a guy, yet when I am in such a relationship I act and treat them bad because I seem to not care that I am with them. Why?... MORE FROM MEGAN...
I really am selfish when it comes to relationships. I usually want and expect a lot, but don't give or want to give anything in return.
I'm scared to even try to have relationships because I always use them, and then just push them away.
Many times the guys I was with told me I need to be responsible and also be independent. I just seem to have a lot of trouble because I don't really know how to act, and am usually immature, mean, and manipulative in the relationship which makes it a very 'unfun' and unpleasurable experience for me and the other person involved...
Megan, as I usually tell people that contribute to my low self esteem signs page
, the first act of getting help is acknowledging the problem, as you have done so here. So well done to you for that..."However good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the "right" person, because he or she is the mirror of who you are inside."
-- Deepak Chopra
Okay, let me say this: relationships can be scary places to be - their is so much to gain, AND so, so, so much to lose. And on the face of it, playing it safe, as you're trying to do, seems the smart way to go. But it ISN'T.
The *ONLY* way to play relationships is to give it your all, as often as you can, whilst also trusting your instincts and making sure you love yourself just as much throughout. (Not all relationships are right for us, or meant to last forever. But our job is to give our all regardless, and to trust our wisdom that we'll know when and if to end a relationship if that time comes.)
So I say make yourself more available in your next relationship. Start to do the things you're not doing now. Open yourself to another. Risk.
So, yes, relationships are scary, Megan, but if you start to take some risks, you might find someone who actually likes/loves the person they discover in you.
Of course, anyone who lets low self esteem issues dictate how they behave towards someone is going to find it hard to build a good relationship with them. A good relationship with another requires a good relationship with self, first. Here endeth the sermon... to you and me both, Megan!
NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
(Dec 1st, 2015)