Trust, Insecurity and Ex's
I fell deeply in love with a man - and he with me - before I realised he was still seeing another woman. We ended, and then that relationship ended, and we started up again, but - deep down - I still feel somewhat angry and insecure, and I don't want to feel this way...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: His Ex, My Trust and Insecurity - What Do I Do?... MORE FROM AMY...
I started seeing someone 9 months ago, and fell for him fast. He also gave me the same impression. He was going to be travelling and we would be separated after 2 months was up, but I said, I would wait for him, follow him, whatever I needed to do, if he wanted that too.
At this point he told me he was not over his ex, who was his best friend, and could not let me hold onto us.
However we kept in touch and after a month, even though we were long distance he asked me to be with him, make it work and come together again. 2 months later we were back together after a lot of time on skype etc. and I asked him what changed his mind about me.
He told me that the reason he didn't want to commit
to me initially was he had in fact been in a relationship when we first started seeing each other
, a 4 year relationship. Even though he made me feel more loved than I ever have in that time. So he both lied and cheated effectively in the first months. But by this time we had already fallen so in love, and committed to each other seriously as we both know what we want and are of the right age to find the right person. So of course I said, ok, and moved on. Or I thought I had...
The thing is, I can't get it out of my head. How do you go from being someone's best friend, and loving them for 4 years, to deciding someone else is the right person?
He spoke to her in the 4th month of our official relationship and told me about it - he did not seem over it, he seemed melancholy. But he has done everything to assure me that he loves me, and invested so much into us.
I've met his family etc. I don't know everything about his transition from her to me, and I don't know if I want/need to, but I can't stop thinking about it: wondering, could he do the same to me?
Did he choose me for other reasons than love? Money/background (mine is much more privileged than his)? What was altered in his mind/heart?
I feel very insecure about it, and even a bit angry by the fact that I was made a fool in the beginning. But I have chosen him, so I want to move past this. I have spoken to him about it and he is aware of my insecurities but I cannot seem to resolve them. should I speak to him again? I don't know whether this is something I need to work through on my own, or keep talking to him about whilst I feel it.
Please help. I love him, and I desperately want these doubts and insecurities banished so that I can trust him completely and be truly happy with him.