That's what Bill Urell wonders.
Which means the only person left to take a honest look at themselves is... you! Do you dare?...
Oh boy, what a topic, what a topic indeed! I must be the guru of self-sabotage, I really must. I know sooo much about my own self-sabotaging behaviours, particularly when it comes to NOT getting involved in a serious long-term relationship, to NOT committing to a life-partner (and to not developing my online business - but that's another story for another time!).
And they say a problem share is a problem halved, so I've decided to share with you (and revise) my very latest thinking (Dec 22nd, 2011) on my own sabotaging behaviour.
It ain't pretty, and I ain't proud!
But, seeing as today is the very first day of the rest of my life, and that I believe leopards CAN change their spots, I'm actually feeling pretty hunky dory about my prospects....
Okay, firstly Bill Urell's 'self-sabotaging wisdom' is great: he says it like it is, when it comes to self-defeating behaviour (watch the video below).
For example, Bill says 'every action is taken for a reason'. And I really do believe that he is right. I really do believe that whatever mess we're in right now, is a mess that we have 'chosen' to be in - consciously or subconsciously.
(And the good news there
is that as long as we
resist the truth being revealed to us, we can use
it to be grow a little more into our true selves. )
So, I've understood Bill's words and I'm going to do what he suggests. I am going to reveal my own self-sabotaging behaviours (as Bill frames it) to do with my still being single to you. (And, for the record, I am being painfully honest here in revealing something to the world that I have only just 'discovered' about myself - discovered Feb, 2009!)
So, my self sabotage question is this:
have I 'preferred' to be a 'womanizer' than
commit myself to a loving, caring long-term
relationship with someone special?
I think I have 'loved' feeling guilty (about hurting partners, or cheating on them) and I also 'love' the thought that I am inadequate and 'not good enough' for someone to be with me for the long-term.
I come from a broken home. My parents separated when I was 5 years old. I believe that my first 5 years (of which I have no recollection) may well have been the cause of my need to always have emotional 'options'. I don't know, to be honest - this is very much a work in progress, right now. What I do know is that the symptoms of self sabotage do/did exist in me.
First thought wrong?
I always - and I mean always - used to accuse my ex-girlfriends (in my thoughts, at least) of thinking that I was not good enough for them, in some way.
And the shocking truth was that I believed that they were not good enough for me! I thought they were too 'fat', too emotionally immature, didn't have enough energy, were too old, or had too many 'problems' in their life...
And none of these thoughts were valid; all were symptomatic of my own sabotage at play!
Done suffering yet?
Yes. Absolutely. And done causing unnecessary pain, too. I am ready, in the words of Oriah Mountain Dreamer, to 'shout "Yes!" to the silver of the moon' !
Okay, this is all well and good - anyone can find a reason to behave badly - but how do we stop self sabotage?
Please know that I do not blame anyone as I discover the 'causes' of my own self-sabotaging behaviour! I just want to be aware of it, want it to stop having so much power over me.
I will overcome self
sabotage! And this 'confessional' page helps!
How about you? Do you have a self-sabotaging story to share? Please do!