Reunion with Ex-Girlfriend?
Can some women help me with this relationship question I have about briefly 'hooking up' with my ex-, even though she's really into me and I don't want anything serious!...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: My Ex - Yes or No?... MORE FROM B...
I had a girlfriend (let's call her "A") for a year 16 years ago, and that relationship ended at my discretion, mainly because I perceived a big intellectual gap between us, which bothered me a lot, even though we had a good emotional contact. Since then I've had 2 further relationships, including a failed marriage. I am now divorced.
I've bumped into A from time to time and she is always happy to meet me. In fact she told me that she thinks about me all the time. I know it was frustrating for her when I ended the relationship. I know also that she would like to pick up where we left off. I would like the emotional contact with her but not to be a couple and I don't think that would satisfy her needs in respect of a relationship.
One part of me says to keep my distance.
Another part of me says that occasional intimate contact, including physical intimacy, would be nice.
But I don't want to hurt her. I have a special birthday coming up and I'm between 2 minds about getting together with her for that occasion on the understanding that we are not to be "an item" but that I am open to being friends with benefits.
I would like to hear a female viewpoint on this.
Here's your female viewpoint, Mr B!..."Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
-- Erica Jong
Hmm, I wonder whether you want the opinion of a woman because if a woman says it's okay then it's okay, rather than if a man says it's okay...
Well, I'm a man, and I have an opinion, and I say it's not okay to mess with someone's feelings, whether that someone is a man or is a woman!
So I believe that the ONLY way I think you can proceed with Ms A, Mr B, is if you're as honest with her as you've been above (explaining your two minds). If you tell this woman, "Look, I'm not that into you (and I think you might be into me) but if you want to help me 'celebrate' my significant birthday, more or less no strings attached, then I'd love that too! :-) "
Tell this woman that, and let her make up her own mind. Anything else is, to say the least, playing with 'bad karma'...
Oops, I seem to have given more advice here! Please, any women readers out there (Paula R?), can you provide some feminine insights into B's predicament (help me out here, even if you completely disagree with me - thanks!)...
NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
(Dec 1st, 2015)