"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Relationship Difficulties - Help!

by Laura
(Ireland )

My relationship question is simple: how do my boyfriend and I make our relationship work, and move past our difficulties. Right now, he knows he's hurt me and wants to break up so he doesn't hurt me again. But we really do have a great relationship, beyond the difficulties, and I think it's worth saving. Please help...

"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: My Ex Thinks I’D Be Happier Without Him But I Disagree


MORE FROM Laura...

Two weeks ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me. We were together for 3 years, and over those 3 years he’s done stuff to upset me. But he’s also made me the happiest girl in the world.

He is two years younger than me so is more immature.

He’s never cheated on me but has given me reasons to doubt him and not trust him 100%.

So we got in to a drunken fight one night and the truth all came out of how I felt and told him how he’s made me feel without him even realizing.

And then we took a week break to try and make sense of it all and during that break I realized I couldn’t lose him and that I needed him in my life.

However he told me that during the break he realised how much he has upset me and made me feel and said he wanted to end it because he’s scared he would do something to upset me again and lose me from his life forever.

I really think he’s making such a mistake by letting me go because he’s too scared of hurting me again.

Our relationship is too special to let go. I feel like he’s given up on us and himself. I’m scared that he’ll move on and I won’t.

I don’t know what to do because I want to be with him so much and he ended it because he think I’d be happier without him and I disagree with him. I believe he’s my soulmate.

Please help

 

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STEVE'S ANSWER

"When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself."
-- Deepak Chopra

There are no certainties in relationships. Great relationships, forged by a deep love, can still end. Relationships filled with arguments, and fearful reactiveness, can still prevail.

No relationship deserves to succeed, then. Or fail. It's up to you BOTH.

One thing I do know (from experience) about relationships, and this is more relevant to your boyfriend than you, is that you can't make relationships 'work' simply by trying not to upset someone.

I also know, and I speak about this in much more depth at my SMNash.com blog, that no one can upset us without our consent.

So, my advice, if I have any is twofold:

1) Stop worrying about upsetting your girlfriend; focus on love and fun and 'easy', instead.

2) Stop being so easily upset by what your boyfriend is doing; focus on love and fun and 'easy', instead.

Not easy, but simple.

Don't know how this 'advice' sounds to you, Laura, but you've asked and I've answered.

Anyone else got an opinion, even if it's different to mine? Please do share.

Cheers,
Steve

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