"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

Boyfriend Gave Me Same Gift...

My boyfriend gave me the same (sweet, thoughtful) gift he gave his ex, and it's really hurt me, and I'm not sure what to do about this!...

QUESTION: Should I Confront My Boyfriend Over This?...



My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past year, in his apartment. He has his favorite coaster that has been on the coffee table for as long as I've known him, about two years, with the first letter of his first name on it.

Two months ago he bought me a matching one with the first letter of my first name on it and they've been sitting together on the coffee table ever since.

Then yesterday, I was going through a drawer he had put some of my stuff into and found another matching coaster with the first letter of his ex's first name, whom my boyfriend used to live with in this same apartment a few years ago.

I felt so embarrassed! He had recycled his cute matching-coaster idea from his ex, and didn't even bother to keep me from knowing about it. I thought giving me the coaster was one of the very sweetest things he'd ever done for me.

I know it sounds silly, it's a coaster, get over it... But I feel hurt and embarrassed. I can imagine his friends coming over and noticing that we now have the same matching item as he and his ex did, he just bought a new letter, and I feel horrified.

Did I read too much into his gift, thinking he thought of it as a nice way to say I belong here and that he's serious about me?

Should I confront him on this? Should I wait until he brings it up (which he probably will do as I put our coasters away in a cupboard because I was getting too upset looking at them)? Or should I just try to forget about it? I'm afraid if I just try to forget it I'll be a little more skeptical or cynical about him and our relationship in general.

Thanks for the help!

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My Dating Question

My boyfriend wants to have sex with me - I'm 23, and so far I've said no. Now he seems to be in touch with his ex (for some 'fun'), should I be concerned?...

QUESTION: Why Is My Boyfriend Still Interested in His Ex?...


Hey everyone. I'm a 23 year old girl and I have been dating a guy for the past 6 months. Recently I found out from his text messages that he is still in touch with his ex who is living in another city and he invited her over here to "have some fun."

I haven't had sex with him even though he asked for it many a time. I wonder is this the reason why he wants to get back to his ex. When I talked to him, he said she is just a "friend" and he loves only me. What irritates me the most is he did not apologise for what he did and he wants to continue being in touch with her.

Should I ask him to choose between me and her?

I'm upset and not talking to him right now. I really like him and love being with him. What do I do? Please help.

Comment From Anonmyous
Subject: Are (both) your standards being met?

It seems as though your boyfriend's sexual needs are not being met with you and that he is trying to seek sexual pleasure from another source (his ex).

I feel that he is staying with you as you satisfy all his other needs, such as care, safety, trust, and loves you very much.

I feel that in order to deal with this problem you need to be assertive with him. Obviously your boyfriend is not being totally honest and willing to communicate what he's thinking, so you're going to have to be confident and ask him yourself.

Ask him if he's happy with you, are there ideals or standards that are not being met? If there is, and they are things that you do not wish to change/work towards as a couple, then you may want to re consider your relationship.

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