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Problems With My Boyfriend's Family
by Ashley
(Canada)
It seems my boyfriend's family don't seem to like me. Even a new girlfriend of my boyfriend's brother seems to want to interfere in our relationship, to separate me from him. What do I do to fix this, please?...
QUESTION: How Do I Deal With These Family Problems?
MORE FROM Ashley...
So I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years now.
His brother doesn't want us to be together, for his personal reasons and it's starting to take a toll on the relationship.
His brother recently got a new girlfriend who is also getting too involved in our relationship.
My boyfriend still lives at home with his parents, so they are also involved.
My boyfriend's brother recently bashed me to his mother, stating he doesn't want us together, now it's starting to look like I am the one causing problems in the family.
Is there any way I can fix this?
Because of all this drama his mother doesn't want us together anymore, and I think my boyfriend is starting to believe it as well.
I don't want to lose him because of his brothers feelings towards me.
STEVE'S ANSWER
"He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else."
-- Benjamin Franklin
The first thing that struck me in your question was my own question, why would the brother and now the mother not want you in your boyfriend's life?
And why would this new girlfriend also come to this conclusion?
Your question mentions nothing of what issues there may be between you all, nor does it hint at any difficulties you and your boyfriend may be going through.
(If you and your boyfriend had a GREAT, simply great, relationship then you can bet that he'd be really puzzled by his brother's attitude towards you and that he'd completely ignore it!)
So I politely suggest that one way to deal with this matter, then, is to investigate what they have against you - or, more particularly, what the brother has against you! - and whether they have any grounds at all for thinking the way that they do. A real dose of self-honesty is needed, here!
You may, indeed, be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect woman, but I'm kind of thinking that this is unlikely being that no such person exists (neither does the perfect man I'll quickly add, for balance!).
If your boyfriend matters to you, and I'm thinking he does otherwise you wouldn't bother getting in touch here, then take a long look at yourself.
It's highly likely that these people are not recognising the wonderful woman that I'm sure you are; whilst it's also highly likely that you're not recognising the not-so-wonderful woman that's also around from time to time.
I wish you well with this, and if you feel like responding to what I say then please do.
As for anyone else reading this, what suggestions do you have?