SelfHelpCollective.com

Online Dating Dilemma

by Anon
(California, USA)

I've met this guy online. We hit it off. But when it comes to dating, and meeting up, he just wants to come round to my house, or for me to come round to his. Am I right not to trust his intentions?...

QUESTION: Does This Guy ONLY Want Sex From Me?

MORE FROM Anon...

I need major advice! Okay so I met a guy online. We hit it off really well at first and exchanged numbers and started calling/texts/emails, etc..

So then he asks me out on a date. And even better we find out we only live about 15 minutes from each other. So fairly close. So the sparks are flying, we have lots in common, were attracted to each other...

And then DUN DUN DUN!

He does something stupid. One night he calls and asks me "Can I come over?" He said he had just gotten off work and wanted to spend time together.

Keep in my mind I hadn't met this guy in REAL LIFE yet so I thought okay what in the world is he thinking asking me if he could come over my house when I never met him before?

And what happened to the date he was talking about us doing the next weekend. He also had the nerve to tell me that he thought I was playing games he said. "Well if everything is going so well with us. Why can't I see you? If we feel this way and wannabe together? Nothing should hold you back."


So at this point I told him, "I thought we were going out on a date next week though?" and he said "yeah of course we are. I just wanna see you before then. We can go out on dates and still have low key alone time too".

And right then I started feeling red flags and that gut instinct flared up and I thought does this guy just want sex from me?

Why couldn't he have just waited till an actual date instead of asking to come to my house?


So ultimately I told him no and that I felt like that was inappropriate and too soon.

And now he's basically confusing me bigtime.

He says he wants a relationship and wants to be with me and only me, etc. But then he's never made plans for an actual date like he did in the very beginning.

Now he's always asking could he come to my house or could I come to his? What happened to the actual dating? It seems like he wants to skip that and go straight to each others houses.

And I hate that he denies feeling that way when I bring it up.

He acts like I'm the bad guy for thinking he just wants sex. But am I really? And I also feel like if you've met someone online it's not safe to just go to their house being alone together just yet?

Even not online.

I feel like you should know someone thoroughly before being alone in a house with them. Am I wrong in thinking that? Or am I right here? I feel so torn and confused.

HELP!...

 

 

STEVE'S ANSWER

"I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason."
-- Stanley Baldwin

From my not inconsiderable time dating online, as a man, I'd say that it's absolutely right of you to feel concerns that this guy just wants to go to your house.

I'd say that someone who wants to date you should want to date you.

I'd say that a man who is willing to impose himself, as a stranger, onto a woman is not a man to be trusted. (He may well have honourable intentions, of course, but just go on the first date, in a safe place, and take it from there.)

And on a more general note, I'd ALWAYS say that you should trust your instincts.

Steve