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"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

NSA with Ex...

by Anon

My relationship with ex- was great apart from what happened in the bedroom. So we broke up, and stopped contacting each other. Until, out of the blue, he asked me for some NSA fun, which I went for (and the bedroom stuff was better). And now I'm confused...

QUESTION: My Ex Contacted Me For NSA Fun - Now Confused!...

MORE FROM Anon...

Okay, in brief I met my ex last year - we had quite an intense and good relationship that felt comfortable from the start... apart from one area, the bedroom. He had issues that got worse through our six month relationship, and although the problems never concerned me that much, I tried to be supportive and was happy to work on it, but he was embarrassed and decided that although the relationship was perfect in every other aspect we should split up so this problem didn't get worse and we ended up resenting each other.

So we split up tried friends but it was too hard for both of us. I kept wanting more and for him to see his decision was a mistake, but he wouldn't change his mind, so made the decision to go 'no contact' again.

This I found hard to stick to, and would occasionally contact him - he always replied, but never initiated it!

This year I moved on and started dating someone else - very early days into it, I hear from my ex asking if I would like NSA fun (NSA: no strings attached) one evening. The offer was tempting so I spent a night with him. Things had improved in the bedroom area, but we didn't discuss our relationship, and I simply left in the morning.

Now I'm just not sure if I should get my hopes up over this one evening together? Or move on and accept it hasn't changed his mind. I am avoiding contacting him as to give him space, but it is doing my head in!...

Overcome Your Insecurities: Here's How!

Comments for NSA with Ex...

Take another lap around the track?
by: Paula Renaye

Well, obviously, there are strings attached for you and had been since your breakup. However, it doesn't seem like he's pursuing you except for the "let's have a romp and be done with it" thing.

Look, I know how it feels to want someone who doesn't want you--it sucks. But pretending there's more to it than there is--or that he's going to eventually change his mind and see how great you are--is only holding you back.

You'd moved on, but sometimes, when those "I'm strong now and over you" waves go out through the universe, up pops the ex to test you--ask me how I know!

I can tell you to stay clear, but until you're really ready to do that, it's tough. To use a NASCAR analogy: Even though you know there's going to be a crash--it's just a matter when and how bad--you'lll keep taking another lap around the track until you don't have to anymore.

In the meantime, when you're wondering what to do, ask yourself these two simple questions--and get really honest and deep with the answers.

1. Would a person with high self-esteem and self-respect do what I'm doing? Consider what I'm considering? Tolerate what I'm tolerating? Why or why not?
2. Does this get me closer to what I really want? Why or why not? (Be clear on whether you want a healthy, happy relationship--or just want him)

Good luck!
Paula Renaye
Hard Line Self Help

PS: Hop off that track and find a new one that's smooth, easy, happy, healthy and fun!

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