"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

My Sick Boyfriend... Help!

by M

I'm just out of my marriage and ready to have fun. My new boyfriend (of 3 months) is now sick, and I'm more of a carer than a girlfriend. I don't like this, but don't know what to do?...

QUESTION: Should I leave my sick boyfriend?

I was only dating my boyfriend for 3 months before he got sick.

He has never been too sexually active and now not at all.

I am 39, and just getting out of a marriage myself. I want to have fun, have sex and live a happier life. But now I am in a position where I am now this boyfriend's caregiver more than a girlfriend.

I'm tired. I'm unhappy, but I don't know how to break this off without hurting him, or losing him as a friend.

He has been a friend for many years before we dated. He's going through a lot and depends on me for everything.

What do I do?


"Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends."
-- Shirley MacLaine

I'm going to read between the lines of your question, here, M. It sounds to me like you might have reached the conclusion that you wanted to end your relationship with your new boyfriend (and old friend) anyway, based on a lack of sexual 'fun'.

And now he's become ill, it seems to make your decision even harder to make. "What kind of friend would you be if you left him now?" Well, what kind of lover would you be if you stayed with him for the wrong reason?

Really, I think you should consider your friendship and your continued taking (some) care of this man as separate from whether or not you want to stay his girlfriend.

If you break up, you can still care for this man. It might be hard, yes, but you find yourself in a 'hard' situation where there are no easy answers at hand.

Do what's best for you, then do what's best for your boyfriend. That's what I say, anyway, but I do hope that others will share their views too

Editor, SelfHelpCollective.com

NOTE: I created a quick-to-read ebook based on the 100+ answers I've so far provided in this relationship advice forum. A relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.

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Steve (Aug 31st, 2018)


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