"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

My Messy Relationship?

by Tim
(Dallas, TX, USA)

I broke up with someone to start a relationship with a woman that also broke up with her man. Bit messy, yes, but there was no 'overlap'. Or so I thought, my woman was still seeing her man for a while. Now I'm not sure what to do now...

QUESTION: Help With My Messy Relationship?...


Okay. I was engaged to a girl I was with for the last 6 years, but we have been apart for the last 2 years (graduate schools took us to places far apart). I broke it off because I felt like we were forcing things and she made me feel like I either had to propose or break it off. Long story short, my feelings for her changed slowly and I developed feelings for another girl that I had tried to fight for the better part of 2 years.

So the girl I was interested in (not the sole reason I ended the engagement, believe me) was also in a relationship (not long term, not serious supposedly). One night (and eventually multiple nights) we got to talking about our feelings for each other, and things progressed (we never cheated on the people we were with at the time physically, and our conversations were relatively brief, but necessary, out of respect to the people we were with).

Anyways, long story short she broke things off with her guy shortly after I broke things off with my girl (about 2 weeks).

Then we started hanging out together, mostly in secret, to avoid hurting the people we left (her choice, since her now ex was living in the same city and had many mutual friends). I come to find out that the 3 weeks we were hanging out (not always in secret) and starting to really hit it off, she was still involved (very involved physically...) with her ex. She lead me to believe things were completely over with him, but that she wanted to end things on good terms with him. I tried to understand, but I was absolutely irate when I found this out. Her ex ended up finding out about her and I, and he was very upset with the both of us (understandably).

As bad as I felt about the situation in general with the people we hurt, the only thing that really bothers me is that she was still seeing him while we were starting things off.

It has made me feel like I can't necessarily trust her, and just puts a bad taste in my mouth about starting a relationship like that. Also, I do feel somewhat at fault for rushing her to decide between him and I while they were still together, even when she told me to give it time. I just felt like I couldn't wait, and the thought of them being together while she knew how I felt about her, and after she reciprocated, made me uneasy and it was difficult to deal with for even one week.

But I do still have feelings for her, or at least I think I might. However, she did apologize to me, but doesn't show any effort to make things work between us now. The only time we talk is when I initiate it (which has been maybe 3 times the last 2 weeks.

What should I do? Move on, wait for her to make some sort of effort, chase her again and forgive her, or just give it more time?


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