"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

My Distant Girlfriend

by Anon

My relationship questions all relate to the fact that my girlfriend seems distant with me, and I want to know why. I'm looking for some online relationship advice - can you help?...

QUESTION: Why Is My Girlfriend 'Distant' With Me?...


I'm a 26 year-old male and I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months. We've had many arguments over the past 10 months over her lack of affection, some jealousy issues I had but got past, and her lack of manners (texting people while spending time with me, being late most of the time, not including me in conversations when other people are with us). In the beginning she had set the pace of meeting each other 5, 6 times a week for hours. I enjoyed it because I liked feeling like I was in a serious relationship. Things got serious quickly. She had asked me to be official on our second date and I had said yes.

Throughout the months her affection seemed to decrease and she kept calling me names like "clingy" and "overly affectionate" and "needy". Suddenly she decided to "casually (but we agreed exclusively) date" me. Meaning no romance for a long time. No affection, no calling each other by our usual pet names, going in separate cars, no sex, no going by each others' houses, etc. She said we could add back the romance slowly.

I tried this with her for 3 weeks and slowly the romance came back. She stopped being distant with me and showed some affection and kissed me again and took a picture with me. I then joined her for a concert where she refused to talk to me and acted annoyed I was there. She even told me she had wanted to go alone. She looked bitter and angry. Her body language told me that she didn't want me there so I told her I was going to leave the concert but would stay nearby and meet her afterwards. She then lashed out at me via text. She drives off on me when she is angry at me and feels it is necessary "to avoid a fight". That is what she did that night. Then she threw me right back to "casually dating" her (exclusively again).

She is constantly threatening to break up with me but then still meets me when we are supposed to meet. She even tried to break up with me a bunch of times but I was able to talk her out of it till the next time I saw her, when she would try again. She claims this is my fault, that I act on my emotions and I need to change. She told me she is very confused. I am trying to stay the course and see if it gets any better.

What is the real cause for the distance between us? Can this relationship be saved and does it seem like she really wants to save it?

Thanks in advance.


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