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My Boyfriend's Mother's Prejudice...

My boyfriend's Mom doesn't like me. And she's never liked me. The reason: I'm Asian and he (and she) are white. What, if anything, can I do here?...

QUESTION: My Boyfriend's Mum Doesn't Like Me Because of My Race - Help!...

MORE FROM M...

My Boyfriend's Mother hates me for no reason. Let me explain...

My boyfriend and I are in love and we have been dating for about 9 months now. And we plan to be marry one day.

The thing is, though, the first day that his mother met me, she hated me. She confessed to my boyfriend that she hates me. She hates me because I am Asian and my boyfriend is white.

She has all these stories about my culture that are not true.

She has also been asking my boyfriend questions about what he sees in me and what attracts me to him.

I am frustrated with this whole situation and I was wondering if it is a good idea for me to confront her (she never wants to talk to me or see me).

Thank you,

M

 

Overcome Your Insecurities: Here's How!

 

STEVE'S ANSWER

"Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible."
-- Maya Angelou

My Mum is mixed race. And my stepfather is white. And he grew up in a place (Leicester, England) where there was some hostility to non-whites (for reasons far too complex to go into here).

So the very first day my Mum met her future mother-in-law was not a good day for her. I'm not saying this woman hated my Mum, but she was certainly not pleased that her nice, white middle class son had decided to bring a brown woman to the house.

Now over the years these two women grew to love and understand each other a great deal. And I'm sure my Granny will have recognised her unjustified prejudice that was in her, as she grew to know and love my Mum.

I say all this to you as proof that people's prejudices (people's fears) can change. They might not change, true, but they can (mothers have such 'high hopes' for their sons, after all).

So I think the absolute best thing you can do is love your boyfriend more and more, and show this woman, over time, that you really are the best thing that's ever happened to him (apart from her, of course... ;-) )

I wish you well, M, and wish you all the strength and wisdom that you're going to need to gently confront this woman's unwarranted hostility to you.

Thank you so much for sharing here, and if anyone else has any thoughts please share them below in the comments...

Steve