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My Boyfriend's Mother's Prejudice...

My boyfriend's Mom doesn't like me. And she's never liked me. The reason: I'm Asian and he (and she) are white. What, if anything, can I do here?...

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QUESTION: My Boyfriend's Mum Doesn't Like Me Because of My Race - Help!...


MORE FROM M...

My Boyfriend's Mother hates me for no reason. Let me explain...

My boyfriend and I are in love and we have been dating for about 9 months now. And we plan to be marry one day.

The thing is, though, the first day that his mother met me, she hated me. She confessed to my boyfriend that she hates me. She hates me because I am Asian and my boyfriend is white.

She has all these stories about my culture that are not true.

She has also been asking my boyfriend questions about what he sees in me and what attracts me to him.

I am frustrated with this whole situation and I was wondering if it is a good idea for me to confront her (she never wants to talk to me or see me).

Thank you,

M


 

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STEVE'S ANSWER

"Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible."
-- Maya Angelou

My Mum is mixed race. And my stepfather is white. And he grew up in a place (Leicester, England) where there was some hostility to non-whites (for reasons far too complex to go into here).

So the very first day my Mum met her future mother-in-law was not a good day for her. I'm not saying this woman hated my Mum, but she was certainly not pleased that her nice, white middle class son had decided to bring a brown woman to the house.

Now over the years these two women grew to love and understand each other a great deal. And I'm sure my Granny will have recognised her unjustified prejudice that was in her, as she grew to know and love my Mum.

I say all this to you as proof that people's prejudices (people's fears) can change. They might not change, true, but they can (mothers have such 'high hopes' for their sons, after all).

So I think the absolute best thing you can do is love your boyfriend more and more, and show this woman, over time, that you really are the best thing that's ever happened to him (apart from her, of course... ;-) )

I wish you well, M, and wish you all the strength and wisdom that you're going to need to gently confront this woman's unwarranted hostility to you.

Thank you so much for sharing here, and if anyone else has any thoughts please share them below in the comments...

Steve


NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.

And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...

Steve
(Dec 1st, 2015)

 

Comments for My Boyfriend's Mother's Prejudice...

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Prejudices
by: Sandra

Prejudices do nothing but breed hate and we have had people who really went out of their way to speak against such hate.

I am the white mother of a 23 year old son who is dating a black girl and not once have I even referred to her as "black" because her skin color or its labeling means nothing to me and my son was raised not to see color.

If she hated you the time she saw you the chances are good it is because you're Asian, and she is white as is her son, but you love him, and even though his mother is loved by him and important to him, he loves you and you are also important to him.

Show her your love for her son and just maybe love will grow in her heart for you also as she starts to see you as a person and not by race.

Confronting her at this point may cause conflict, and what you want to show her is love. Be who you are, as you sound kind and caring. Be that person who she hasn't taken the time as of yet to know and just maybe she will grow to accept you and even love you for your heart.

And please don't take this personal, as hurtful as it may be because there are some people who will find something to judge on - race just happens to be her thing.

Just keep smiling cause after all you have the love of your boyfriend.

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