"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

My Boyfriend and my Daughter

by Sarah S
(Anaheim Ca, USA)

My boyfriend loves me and loves my daughter from another relationship, but he also doesn't seem ready to settle down, yet (we're both 23). I'm not sure what to do or say, because I have a daughter and have to settle down...

QUESTION: "My boyfriend wants me to submit in our relationship...!


My boyfriend and I are both 23 and I have been with him for 3 years now. We love each other very much. I also have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship, but the father is not involved. Me and my boyfriend live together and have been for 2 and a half years, we talk about getting married and having kids of our own one day.

I have a lot going on in my life at the moment so my parents help with my daughter, like if I'm at work and what not. In the next 1 to 2 months I am making sure I will have my daughter and my parents wont be involved (I want nothing more then to be a full time mom). That part with my parents is very complicated, but I have talking with my boyfriend about this for about a year now, and we are finally getting back on our feet. Pretty soon she will live with me full time and it seems that to him, this is coming very fast.

He says that he isn't ready to be a "step dad" and doesn't want to put his life on hold for the things he wants to do before he can't do them anymore. He said only time can tell when he is ready, but there isn't that much time left. I don't really understand what he's trying to say because I am already a parent and make sacrifices for my child. He wants to do all the things that he knows he cant do when his priorities are family. Ex: Things our child needs over his own.(I'm trying my best to explain how he feels, but again its hard for me to comprehend.) I've told him that I don't understand and he says that he can't put it any clearer.

My daughter loves him and they are great together and he loves her. He wants me to have my daughter and do what I need to do. But I'm afraid that when he says "only time can tell", it isn't enough time for him, and this will come to quickly and he will resent me and be in an unhappy relationship.

He is (other then my little one) the best thing that has happened to me. He has made me a better person and lead me on a great path. I just want to understand what he is thinking or help him understand what I need/want/mean etc. Because honestly, I need him to be ready for this. At this point I don't know what to do....


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