My Biggest Relationship Mistake
by Steve M Nash
Okay, let me start this relationship advice forum off with a look at my own relationship problems over the years. This is my question, then...
QUESTION: Steve, what's the biggest mistake My answer follows
you've made in your relationships?
, and I look forward to reading your comments on my answers and maybe even your thoughts on your biggest relationship mistake, too.
But Paula Renaye & I also look forward to receiving your answers to other people's relationship questions
, and maybe even to receiving your relationship question
It's good to share, it really is. And on that note:
ANSWER: My Biggest Relationship Mistake...
I have made many mistakes in my many relationships over the years, but I've come to believe that they all boil down to one thing: not believing in myself
- not believing in the value of myself, AND the value of my values.
And how has this non-belief manifested itself, over the years, then?
- Well, I have given my power away many times. And women haven't asked me to do this, I just felt bound to do so, to respect the woman and what (I thought) she wanted and to disrespect the man (i.e. me, and what I wanted). This led to resentment and fear-based reactions, amongst other things - never good!
- I listened to other people's (limited) definition of love, and did not fully believe in my own: that love is far more than any single person can EVER realise, and that my experience of love is as valid as anyone else's...
- I did not respect myself enough, at times, or the women I got involved with (some of whom I didn't really care that much for). Being in a relationship with 'anyone' was sometimes more important than being in relationship with the right person, or - failing that - with myself alone...
Basically, I either didn't know what I wanted
from someone (other than the close and intimate comfort of 'another'), or when I did
know what I wanted I was not courageous enough to ask for it
And now, now I see that self-knowledge is important in any relationship - what makes me tick, what presses my buttons, etc. - but it's especially important in a 'romantic relationship'.
I also recognise that courage to be who you are is also vital.
And you also have to believe that the kind of relationship you envisage for yourself IS possible. It may take work, it may take heartaches, but you DO deserve it - we all do!
I'd also like to acknowledge in this answer - as relationshp non-guru that I am - that relationships bring new challenges no matter how 'advanced' and 'wise' you become. There are no masters in the relationship game
, just avid students...
And that's why I include this quote about relationships in my answer, because I believe it holds the secret to a long-term, successful romantic relationship (as well as any other kind of relationship for that matter)...
"Don't rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other."NOTE:
-- Russ Von Hoelscher
I took this quote from a brand new quotes about relationships page
here on Self Help Collective. And all my answers to the relationships problems that you tell us about will usually include one such quote. They sum up things nicely, sometimes... :-) )
Thanks for reading,
Ps Please do get involved with this relationship advice forum
, won't you! Ask your question, now, or answer someone else's question (usually by leaving a comment)...