"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

More Low Self Esteem Signs

by Anon

I put up with men who walk all over me.

Men really treat me bad; they lie to me and I still take them back. I hate myself so much.

As a child I was picked on by other children. They called me names and hit me. Were just plain mean to me. I should have been given braces on my teeth, but my parents were too cheap to get them for me. So I was so made fun of. It hurt me so bad, and now 35 years later I still carry that hurt inside of me.

I put up with abusive boyfriends. Cause in my "flawed thinking" only 'pretty' girls have boyfriends and I want so bad to be pretty.

A New Way of Seeing Self-Esteem?

Steve here, and for the last few years (since Oct 2012, actually) I've been seeing (and thinking about) low self-esteem in a different way. Not as a problem to fix, but as feedback to notice (and nothing more). That's right: nothing to fix, everything to notice. And all this became obvious to me after being introduced to the Three Principles behind life (in Oct 2012).

I created a free 1-page Self-Esteem Guide that explains more, anyway. You can read about it here (NO EMAIL REQUIRED) - SMNash.com/self-esteem-guide/

Thank you - Steve



Comments for More Low Self Esteem Signs

Jan 04, 2012
Finding what works.
by: Maree

Thanks for sharing your feelings. It is easy to think that to be loved we need to be physically attractive. All you need to do is pick up a magazine & see that many physically attractive & talented people still have heartache & rejection. I know it is easy to fall into this trap of appearances but we must try to move beyond this. I have daughters who are considered physically beautiful, they still have all the misery of relationships going wrong in their lives, still feel rejected and get depressed and have felt used by men.

Beauty really does come from how we feel inside, so that is where we need to work the most.

When it comes to men, what Steve says is very true, we need to set boundaries. You need to be special to you, and not settle for less that what you want. That may mean depriving yourself of immediate pleasures, however, by being strong & keeping boundaries til things are committed, you may find you get to where you would like to be with a male partner.

Value yourself - holding back from getting too serious too quickly seems to work like an investment in our ultimate happiness. Focus on the platonic interaction and getting to know a guy, nurturing your ability to be happy without the need to depend on someone else nor give in to their needs. If a guy doesn't stick around, then he wasn't worth it.

Having this self worth can be extremely alluring to the opposite sex.

It also creates a situation where a friendship becomes the main focus. You're less likely to feel walked all over and have a greater chance of developing a mutually respectful friendship that could grow more intimate. Things may still go wrong but at least you will be more likely to maintain your self esteem through the ups and downs of interaction with men - visit Christian Carter for tips on this.

Possibly by understanding how the mind & emotions of men work it's like having a manual, and we can have more success. Match a mans persistence (often for sex) with your own persistence in being valued for who you are, before you take it to a deeper more intimate level. This involves doing all your self development work, finding things you are good at & love and make you feel happier. In some ways the sexual revolution has made the dating game more complex for women

I always advocate meditation especially Buddhism. It can be such a grounding tool to access a sense of self love and hence love for others. And hopefully a happier life. Also I like the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Dalai Lama, and Vipassana meditation and Dr.Hew Len.

Take care of yourself.

Feb 21, 2011
How we devalue ourselves...
by: Steve

Reading this symptom of low self esteem - in this case about a woman letting men treat her badly - I'm struck by how low self esteem signs are really about how we devalue ourselves, and let others do the same.

So men treat Anon badly in this situation, but another's problem could be letting friends take advantage of them, or it could be - more fundamentally - NOT asking for what you want!

And the perverse thing is, I believe - and some may disagree with this - is that it's not about good guys and bad guys, here. Instead, it's about knowing what behaviour is okay to tolerate, knowing what your boundaries are, and setting them.

I believe that so-called 'bad guys', when faced with these boundaries may actually start to behave 'better'.

Whether they do or don't is irrelevant, though, because the person who dares to set the boundaries that honour and value themselves, sends out a clear and positive message to the world and especially to her or him!

That's what I say, anyway...

PS Thanks for sharing your low self esteem signs with us, Anon. I hope in doing so, that you are better able to start making different choices for yourself...

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