Contributions from the Collective

"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

Low Self-Esteem and Depression

by Anon

Here are my "low self esteem signs"....

- I won't eat when I'm depressed, anxious, nervous or angry.

- I am overly sensitive to criticisms, judgements, etc.

- I am, at times, afraid to do new things for fear that I will fail miserably.

- I hate people watching me work or learning something new. It makes me so nervous that I actually fail at what I'm doing/attempting.

- I am easily discouraged, even from things I enjoy.

- I am untrusting of people, even my family.

- It's hard for me to accept compliments, gifts, help, etc. from others. I feel as if they are not genuine and dishonest and that they are given to me with 'strings attached'... I get paranoid.

- I often compare myself to others and find that they are better.

- I am not very forgiving of the people who have hurt me, no matter how minor or great the hurt was.

- I don't believe that I am worthy of being liked, or of having anything good in my life.

- I tend to blame myself for the bad things in life. Everything is my fault and I should have done something differently/better.

- I am stupid and worthless and other people see it, and laugh.

- I am ugly. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Even when I try to dress up it's not good enough. My hair sucks, my clothes are terrible, maybe I should have worn make up, etc.

- I am not good enough for my husband. One day he'll realize this and leave me for someone better.

- My wants and needs do not matter.

- No one will ever know the 'real' me; they don't care to.

- I live my life in the 'shadows' that is where I belong.

- One day everyone will leave me. I am doomed to live my life alone with my pets until I die. In which case it will probably be weeks or months before anyone finds my corpse because I will have been forgotten about.

- My fears make my decisions for me... I can't help it. They control me and I can't stop it.

- I'm crying as I write this... I'm too emotional and weak.

- I hate on myself often. Either thinking it or saying it out loud.

- I often have 'imaginary conversations' with the people in my life (husband, MIL, parents, etc.) when I'm alone... usually when I'm in the car to/from work.

Sometimes it's about things I really want to tell them but can't because I fear their reaction/response... or it's my defense to an argument that hasn't happened yet but one that I feel may happen in the near future.

I must anticipate and 'work out' how I will respond should that argument happen. I need to know that I am right in my thinking and try to convince myself of it!...

Yes, I know I'm crazy! I hate it!!

STEVE'S COMMENT:
Thank you for sharing your list of low self-esteem symptoms. It's great that you can be so open and honest about how you are experiencing life right now.

There is much here that speaks of your lack of love for yourself, and the importance you place on a) not being wrong and b) what others think of you.

Incredibly, there is so much inner power and strength gained when we can begin to see that sometimes, it is okay to be wrong! And, ALWAYS, you are enough.

I send you love, and a hug, in the hope that you can gain enough courage to face yourself - the 'good' and the 'bad' - and be okay with what you find. For when you can love yourself - the good and the bad - you can love others too. And the whole world becomes friendlier, just like that...

Steve

Comments for Low Self-Esteem and Depression

Jul 24, 2012

This Smells of Co-dependency
by: Hanson G.

Thanks Anon for sharing your feelings!

Being a co-dependent myself with assertion problems, reading the article I posted on Self-Help Collective (called "Assertion and Co-dependency"), might help.

I have low self-esteem, am hyper-sensitive, worry too much about what others think of me, am very harsh on myself, and have trouble making DECISIONS. These are "core" co-dependent traits.

All I can say is, try not to get too absorbed in all this stuff. It's important to recognize these traits, but it's just as important to push yourself at times (it's worth taking risks, even if you think you predict the outcomes!) to get on a different mind-track. It may even seem like you have to "trick" yourself into doing things until they become second nature/habit.

It's maybe even related to what Steve has talked about regarding hypnosis. Although I personaly prefer no hypnosis, I do see the need for us to recognize our BLOCKAGES, in whatever/however form they manifest, and find avenues to channel more energetic/creative forces in our lives. Easier said than done.

Even pursuing a hobby, or some focus of interest, that will help keep you "going with the flowing".

I'd be a worse case if I didn't have Gardening as my passion - I love plants, animals, and nature. Sometimes more than people! I'm also extremely distrustful of people. But when people actively engage in my Garden, little wonders can occur. Deep appreciation, even for Nature, CAN be shared. And we're part of it!

Feeling "Oneness" with the world is still possible, albeit in lapses.

Don't be discouraged : remember who you are and your place in this wondrous Universe!

All the best to you! Yours, Hanson G.

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