Leaving My Girlfriend ?
Eli thinks his girlfriend really likes another man. And despite the fact he asked her about this, and she denied it, he's still worried. What to do?...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: Should I leave my girlfriend?
I have found out that my girlfriend likes and has been thinking about another guy, and when I asked her about it she told me that I have nothing to worry about and that she loves me.
I have a hard time believing her because I know she has been thinking about him and not me.
What should I do trust that she's telling the truth and try to forget it or should I break up with her?
STEVE'S ANSWER"When I'm trusting and being myself... Everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously"
-- Shakti Gawain
I'm going to give you two choices, Eli, and your job is to see which option feels best. And then I'm going to tell you what you REALLY need to do. Okay?Option 1: Leave her, and leave her now!
You 'feel' that she's really interested in him, even if she tells you otherwise, and so it's only a matter of time when she dumps you instead of him.
And if she's going to do that to you, eventually, then you might as well get out now, YOU might as well end up being the one that leaves - so much easier, after all!
And you don't get to look a fool!Option 2: Trust her, and trust her now!
Or... or you could trust her, trust her words, and let the thought of this other man go from your mind.
Instead of thinking about her and him, you could direct your thoughts to 'her and you' instead - how you and her can have more fun together, how you and her can love each other more, how you and her can grow (both as individuals and as a couple) more.
--Now THIS is what you REALLY ought to do
, Eli, and if you do this then whether your girlfriend is into this man or whether she's actually into you no longer matters.
My instruction is not easy, though, and most people (including me, at the moment, alas) struggle to put it into action, but it IS the answer to your problems believe me.THE answer: TRUST yourself
When you trust yourself, you are able to trust your girlfriend completely, AND you are able to trust your own self too and know that if it turns out she lied to you then you WILL cope, you really will.
When you trust yourself, NO-ONE can make a fool out of you, no-one - because when people cheat, lie or just generally give 'less' toward another, they're really cheating, lying and giving 'less' to themselves. Seriously.
You trust yourself and you win!
This doesn't mean you can know what will happen, you can NEVER know for CERTAINTY what will happen - certainty is an illusion we all seem to believe in! It just means that you will cope. Yes, it might hurt, but you'll cope, and it will hurt less than the 'worry' that you're experiencing right now.
That's what I say, anyway, and I always welcome the views of others - please do share
your thoughts in the comments below!
NOTE: I created a quick-to-read ebook based on the 100+ answers I've so far provided in this relationship advice forum. A relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
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Steve (Aug 31st, 2018)