"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Is My Boyfriend's Friendship REALLY platonic?...

by Judy
(Illinois, USA)

My boyfriend has a long-standing frienship with a woman that worries me. He spends a lot of time with her. Helps her our whenever she's in trouble. Has slept with her (because of drink, allegedly). And isn't completely honest about things. Am I right in being concerned?...


"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: Can It Be A Platonic Relationship?


MORE FROM Judy...

I recently found out my boyfriend has a female friend he spends a lot of time with.

He told me one lie after another about her until he could no longer lie.

And maybe he still is.

He says they dated a short while and decided they would be better friends. They have been friends for 10 years. They got drunk once about 7 years ago and had sex. He says they have never since then.

However they go on vacations together often. Out of state, out of the country, even a 2 week cruise. He says the share a room on these excursions but nothing happens.

He helps her anytime she calls.

He flew to Florida not long ago to drive her back to Madison. Again, they shared a room.

If she calls to have something repaired at her home, he goes.

Am I to worry he doesn't really want a committed relationship with me?


 

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STEVE'S ANSWER

"Your heart knows the way, run in that direction."
-- Rumi


I'm sorry you are feeling insecure right now, regarding your boyfriend's 'friendship' with another woman. I get it, if I were you and I didn't feel secure in my relationship with my man then I also wouldn't be feeling comfortable.

You ask this simple question, "Can it be a platonic relationship?" and the simple answer is this: YES, it can be a platonic relationship. And, YES, something more could be happening too.

What really matters is how you feel about all of this.

What really matters is what your intuition and inner wisdom is saying about all of this.

What really, really matters is you knowing that whether your boyfriend is cheating on you, or whether he is just enjoying a beautiful platonic relationship with another woman, YOU ARE OKAY.

Right now, you don't know you're okay.

Right now, you think it's about interpreting behaviours of another that's going to keep you 'safe' (or rather, going to keep your 'relationship' safe).

Here's my 'advice' to you, Judy.

Ask your partner, face to face, and with as much unconditional love as you can muster, the question you ask here: "Am I to worry you don't really want a committed relationship with me?".

Ask him, and let him answer. Not in a defensive way, but in an honest way. Ask him, and listen. Closely, deeply, and lovingly.

And decide what to do from there.

Because, he might want to be with this woman in a romantic way and just not realise it, and this is wasting your time. He might just want to be in a platonic relationship with this woman. Either way, he probably doesn't fully appreciate how insecure you are feeling about it all.

Let him know how you're feeling. Let him explain himself. Let there be space for two people to be loving, and grown up human beings. And let's see what happens after that...

Wishing you, and your relationship well. (But please know that you are okay whatever this man thinks about this other woman.)

Steve

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