SelfHelpCollective.com

Is Life A B*tch?

by Bob Echo
(Westminster, CA, USA)

I called this woman I was dating the b** word, one evening when I was really angry with how she was treating me. And now she won't even talk to me, despite all of my apologies. (I even wrote her a song!). How else can I say sorry?...

QUESTION: I Accidentally Called A Girl I Was Dating, The B** Word, During An Argument. How Do I Apologize?

Let's just call her Susie.

I was really angry because she blew me off at a wedding reception (pretended we didn't know each other) and to add insult to injury, falsely accused me of hitting on her cousin, which was completely untrue.

I had talked to her cousin that night but I was talking to her cousin about Susie the whole time and telling her how much I liked Susie.

And the final straw was when Susie said, "I'm just not feeling you anymore" without even asking my side of the story first.

And unfortunately, that's when the b** word came out of my mouth.

No woman ever deserves to be called that. It was my first time ever calling anyone that (much less a girl I was dating) and I was just as shocked as Susie was when it came out of my mouth.

Me and Susie had been dating for a month and a half. She wasn't my girlfriend yet but we were getting pretty serious.

And, now, no matter how much I've already apologized and no matter how much I wish I could take back what I said on Saturday night, Susie is gone. She's also de-friended me on Facebook. What can I do to get her back? How do I apologize?

I've already said sorry numerous times and even dedicated a song to her on guitar, but to no avail. What else can I do? Any creative or heartfelt ways of apologizing, please...?

 

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STEVE'S ANSWER

"A man's mistakes are his portals of discovery."
-- James Joyce

Firstly, there was no accident here in what you called this woman - let's be honest here, she WAS bugging you, and this is the best way you could find to deal with it at the time!

Next, you ask, "How do I apologise?", and you do that by saying sorry. And you've done that. So I think what you're really asking is, "How do I start dating Susie again?"...

Hmm, well the answer doesn't lie in making more apologies, Bob!

Let's assume Susie is not a b***h, shall we. Let's assume Susie was doing what is commonly referred to these days as 'testing' (it seems both men and women 'test' potential partners, to make sure they're going to be what they want).

Well, Bob, I think you failed the test! There were many ways you could respond to Susie's 'provocations' but calling her a "b***" wasn't one that was going to work with her.

So my advice to you - and I really don't like giving relationship advice usually as you never know what's going on inside another person's head - but my advice to you is the following:

• Forget Susie! Move on, learn from your mistakes, and find another woman to have fun with

And if you want to think about how you could have handled things with Susie better, then great. And I can recommend Scot McKay as a dating coach if you'd like some help with that. (Join his mailing list, tell him your story, and see if he responds...)

The main thing is you goofed up. And we all goof up from time to time, but sometimes we don't get to make up for our goof with the person concerned. And that's just life.

--

On a personal note, and just to prove you're not alone, I goofed very badly a few years back, with this oh-so-beautiful and smart woman! I didn't call her a bitch, but I was passive-aggressive to her in other ways and I let her walk all over me.

What good do you think it got me to apologise to her, to tell her it won't happen again. This type of grovelling only made it worse!

A man has to respect himself, above all else (as does a woman, obviously), and if someone doesn't like your sh*t then that's up to them. You just got to move on and find someone that does. Simple as.

Wish you well, Bob, wish you well. You made a mistake. It happens. Forgive yourself, laugh about it (or write about it, like I do lol) and get on with life...

(Anyone else with advice for Bob?)

Cheers,
Steve