SelfHelpCollective.com

Is He Cheating?

by Alyssa
(USA)

My long-distance relationship isn't that much fun, anymore. Sex is on his terms. He doesn't seem to want to spend any quality time with me. He doesn't even like cuddling. Is this normal? (Is he cheating on me?)...

QUESTION: Is He Not Interested Any More?

MORE FROM Alyssa...


Is he not interested any more? Could he be cheating?

I am in a long distance relationship because of school, but we have been dating for 3.5 years. So I still get to see him every few weekends and some times for weeks at a time.

When we are together, he never lets me initiate sex. Every single time I try he denies me. I also never have been able to orgasm at all with him, and even when I give him directions he doesn't do them or half ass follows them.

He also seems to have little interest in hanging out with me alone.

He works, so when I am home he goes to work, comes home and then goes straight to video games ALL night.

I mentioned how much I'd like to do something together and he said that he shouldn't have to change his everyday life because I am home.

He says just being in his presence is enough.

In addition he doesn't want to do things like cuddling outside of sleep because it is "pointless" since I will be gone so soon.

He says he loves me, but I really feel like he isn't interested in me any more. Do you think he is cheating? Is this a normal problem to have? Am I just being too clingy?


STEVE'S ANSWER:

"Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with."
- Greg Behrendt

Alyssa, you're asking us how your relationship should work. There is ONLY one person who knows the answer to that and that's you.

How would you like your relationship to be? What would you like it to feel like? How would you like your man to care for and love you? Etc.

Be with a man that sees relationships the same way you do, and is prepared to do what it takes to make it so. And be single, if you can't find a man who wants this. For, as Loreal somewhat cynically puts it, "You're worth it!"

The quote I've used above comes from Greg Behrendt. He's the author of a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." Now I am not a fan of this book (never read it), but it is the senteiment that came to me, as I read your relationship question.

I might be wrong, of course. But so far it seems to me that you are allowing this man to very much give of his worst and still be in a relationship with you. Is that what you really want?

Here's another quote by Greg:

"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves."
- Greg Behrendt

I wish you well with what your wisdom tells you to do in this relationship. Please remember, you ARE worth a great relationship (and so is he!).

Steve

PS I recorded a video on self-love, a while back. You might get something from watching it! :-)
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2ZQwX2R2js