"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

Husband to Help Around the House?

by Devika K
(Melbourne, Australia)

The online relationship advice I am looking for is something I think many wives would also like to know the answer to: how do I get him to help around the house? Many of my women friends have the same problem...

QUESTION: How do I get my husband to help around the house?...


Why is it that husbands say, "it's ok and there is nothing wrong or don't worry," when wives ask them to help with something they can not do themselves?

I know this all comes down to husbands having different values and placing different importance to tasks around the house than women have and do. Also, I understand that this depends on how the women are communicating their requests to their husbands and whether they are making their feelings known if their husbands loving obliged.

This is annoying most of my girlfriends. They feel they are not respected, valued and loved.

I would appreciate your advice

Many thanks,


Thank you for this big question, Devika. I reply to you as a man, and as a potential husband, and my answer begins with this inspirational relationship quote...

"Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person."
-- Wayne Dyer

Yes, there are ways of asking for things. There are ways of telling someone how it feels when they do X or when they don't do Y. And there are ways of listening, really listening, to a person so you know what's going on with them (meaning wives know what husbands want, and husbands know what wives want).

I suggest that whether it's wives wanting husbands to help out in the house, or it's husbands wanting it to be okay to spend time with their male friends (for example), or it's one person wanting something from another... a successful outcome usually boils down tofrom both parties, with both actively seeking out win-win solutions! (Either that, or get a new husband Devika! (Joke! ;-) ))

Lastly, most relationships I know of involve the people in those relationships getting "trained" - i.e. you train them how to treat you, they train you how to treat them, etc. And I believe that giving assertive and clear communication to someone, where you say what you want and what it means to you (and you allow them to do the same back), is a great way to train them in how to treat you.

What does anyone else think? (Leave your answers via the comments link below!)


Overcome Your Insecurities: Here's How!


Comments for Husband to Help Around the House?

Sandy and Devika...
by: Steve

Devika, I'm really pleased that my somewhat vague answer has helped you here a little.

And, Sandy, it's great that a woman with practical experience of having solved this problem with hers husband has answered too.

'Vague' works, for sure - that's why inspirational quotes are so powerful - but sometimes practical tips are needed also.

Thanks for asking this great question Devika


Husband to Help Around the House?
by: Devika

Thank you Steve for your valuable advice. It is so simple but we never take the time to really communicate effectively. This will definitely make a difference in the lives of many of my friends

For me I found
by: Sandy

For me, I found when my husband and I negotiated the chores: He chose the ones he likes to do and I chose some I liked to do.

I found when you are both part of the process rather than one person saying I think something needs to be done, it works out better.

One thing you will find in "negotiations" is that you could have different perceptions on the tasks and how often they need to be done.

You will learn a lot about yourself in a negotiation process.

Good luck.

Return to Your Relationship Q&As.