SelfHelpCollective.com

How Relationships Really Work?

by John Agresti
(USA)

This relationship question is bit different, as it's really an assessment of how relationships work, or how John thinks they work, and it comes in response to a Weekly Wonder quote I emailed out a while ago, which was this...

And this is John's rather amusing summary of how relationships work. Over to you John...

Along that continuum - or continuing that premise - each person is seeking to get something from the other and is not receiving it, I suggest this: "In relationships - each person seeks to RECOVER from the OTHER, what was not received during childhood! Which can get pretty complicated -especially since they usually don't find it."

My view is that we're all walking around with all these emotions and emotional desires, and sensuality is mixed in it there, too and people just don't take the time to really determine who it is that they're getting involved with.

The old fifties song goes "why do fools fall in love?" And my answer: because they want to.

My other take on it is that each person should view the other as though they were going to buy a used car:

• Yeah - the paint looks good,


• the engine sounds okay,


• tires , brakes etc all good

BUT you damn well know that there's something wrong, somewhere, with that car - with that person - and the only way to find out is to (assuming you buy it) drive it for some time.

And then the hidden problem(s) comes up - the tie rod end is loose, a universal joint is cracked, a leaking head gasket - it all comes to light once the car comes under duress.

And, similarly, a person's essential character becomes evident only when IT comes under duress.

Strangely enough it is suggested that, before each person allows themself to give the relationship the "green light" (another car metaphor) the couple should take a long drive together - like a few days - and then see what the deal is.

And there's a Seinfeld episode where just this happens and he and the girl are holed up in a B&B - and all the internal dialogue shows Jerry's appraisal of the girl.

What do you think about John's thoughts - relationships are like buying used cars - would love to know? Just comment below!...

Steve