"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

How I Got Good With Girls and Why It's The Same As Improving Any Area Of Your Life

by Diggy
(South Africa)

How I Got Good With Girls and Why It's The Same As Improving Any Area Of Your Life

The Term 'Self Improvement' is a heavy one, is very vague and sometimes frowned-upon by society. I think that it simply refers to getting better in any area of your life.

Today I'm going to tell you the story of how I went from being totally shy and horrible with girls to being confident and to being able to get a girl interested in me pretty much every time I go out.

Before I start I would like to say that I don't want to brag or even claim that I am the world's biggest Casanova. I just feel that many people can relate to the journey I went through and that it is a good one to illustrate my point about self improvement.

Back In The Day

About 5 years ago I was horrible at talking to girls. I was really shy and would be nervous to ask a pretty girl a simple question like "Hey, do you have the time".

I had actually given up on the idea that pretty girls would like me and the only way it would happen is if I was extremely lucky (like winning the lottery type of lucky).

At the time I did not know any better and did not think that it was possible to improve at the whole concept of talking to girls and being an awesome guy that girls like to hang around. Then I finished school and started life in the real world.

My Journey Of Improvement

I specifically call it a journey, because I did not go from bad to good overnight. In fact, it took me about 3 years to get to where I am now and I still think that I have a long way to go before I am really a master at the art of being great with girls.

My journey all started when I read a book about 'pickup artists'. These were guys who designed their life around going out and picking up girls every single day and night. They honed their skills to such a level that they were able to seduce almost any women they talked to, whether she was young or old and married or single.

After reading this book I became inspired to get better with girls. A new world had opened itself up to me -- a world where it was possible to learn to get better with girls.

I started searching on the internet like crazy, and to my amazement there were hundreds of sites and resources dedicated to getting better with girls and dating. There were even entire communities dedicated to the art of pickup where guys from all over the world would share their ideas and stories about girls and how to seduce them.

I met up with a few people who seemed to be good with girls and who lived in my area. They introduced me to a few methods and resources that claimed to be fool-proof for getting girls and as time went on I would go out with these guys or by myself with the intention of getting better with girls.

For a good 12 to 18 months I went out a few nights a week, talking to girls. I tried lines, routines, made up stories and tried to impress girls with all sorts of methods. I even tried a method called Speed-Seduction which uses a form of hypnosis called NLP (neuro linguistic programming). Haha, thinking back to those days makes me laugh. I was honestly such a menace to girls. I wonder what went through those poor girls' minds when I was using them as guinea pigs to get better at talking to girls.

Suddenly It All Made Sense

After all these months of going out and having very little success, I started to lose faith and once again believed that I would not ever get good at talking to girls. I actually just felt like more of an idiot for trying all these methods and using all these lines and still having no results.

One night, I decided to go out and just not care. I had fun dancing and I spoke to girls without using any routines or lines and without having any intention of getting with them. To my surprise they actually loved speaking to me and I ended up having one of the best nights in a long time. That night I realised what it meant ?just be yourself? and from then on my entire game shifted to another level.

Over the following months I applied that tactic of just being myself, but still honing my skills. My results increased dramatically and before long I was able to hook up with a girl almost every night I went out.

Of course there are still certain 'routines' that I use, but I don't see them as something sneaky, more as a tool in the seduction toolbox. If a Carpenter uses a hammer to hit the nail into the wood, is the hammer a sneaky cheat or is it just a tool to help him get the job done?

Why This Applies To Everything You Want To Improve Upon

I gave the personal example of getting better with girls and an example of self improvement because I enjoy telling the story and I think that many people can relate to it.

Any area of your life that you want to improve on follows pretty much the same process as in my example that I gave you above.

  • Stage 1
    Not knowing that there is anything better

  • Stage 2
    Something triggers a realisation that it is possible to get better

  • Stage 3
    Days, weeks or months of trying to get better without any remarkable results or improvement

  • Stage 4
    You get an 'aha' moment and everything becomes crystal clear to you. The mist is lifted and you totally understand the concept of what you are trying to get better at. Your skill level shifts almost instantly and from this point onwards you can work at perfecting your skills.

As long as you understand how the process goes and as long as you do not give up trying to get better before you get that 'aha' moment, you will improve at anything you set you mind to.

Whether it be dating, business, sport or art, never give up and never think that you will not succeed. I did it, and so can you.

About Diggy
Diggy strives to inspire people to be their best self by writing self improvement and personal growth articles on his blog Upgradereality. Spread the word or subscribe to his blog via RSS or Email.

Comments for How I Got Good With Girls and Why It's The Same As Improving Any Area Of Your Life

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May 24, 2010
Not just about dating women (or men)!
by: Steve

As Diggy says in his long story, this is much more than just how to date women.

It's about how to learn how to improve yourself - the steps you need to take, whatever it is you're trying to improve.

So thanks for sharing, Diggy


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