Honesty in Relationships
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, but we broke up for 6 months and during that time I slept with someone else. I haven't told my boyfriend, because I don't think he'll be pleased, but I hate myself for not telling him...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: Should I Tell My Boyfriend I Slept With Someone Else?... MORE FROM Hollie...
Should I tell my boyfriend that I had sex with someone else while we were briefly separated?
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for nearly 2 years now, but after the first 8 months we ended the relationship. And it was in this time that I slept with someone else.
It was a silly mistake and after 6 months we got back together
but I still haven't told him
I'm scared that I've left it so long that he won't be able to trust me ever again or even end the relationship as we've had problems with trust in the past.
He's only had sex with me before and thinks I've only ever had sex with him, so I'm afraid that telling him this could end things between us.
But it's on my mind constantly
and I feel so bad but I don't know what to do.
I don't want to tell him because things wouldn't be the same between us, and I don't want to risk losing him but I hate myself for not telling him.
What do you think should I do?
STEVE'S ANSWER"A mistake in judgment isn't fatal, but too much anxiety about judgment is."
-- Pauline Kael
Firstly, you slept with this other person outside of your relationship with your boyfriend. So the only 'mistake' you've made here, if any, is to not tell your boyfriend...
Still, I guess it boils down to this, Holly: what's more important to you - that you stop hating yourself and you are honest with your boyfriend, or that you risk the ending of your relationship with him by being honest (with him, and with yourself)?
Now, I hope the answer to this question is obvious, but if it isn't, then I'd like to remind you of the essence of SelfHelpCollective.com
: believing in yourself; knowing you are enough; trusting and loving yourself
I believe, as do many others wiser than I am, that once you truly can rely on yourself like this then all problems in life become far, far less troublesome.
So, again, would you like to stop hating yourself Hollie? Would it feel much better to honour yourself, to be honest, and to then be okay with whatever outcome occurs with your boyfriend?
Or, is it more important that your boyfriend thinks that you have not slept with another man, that he (and others) consider you 'nice'?
Everyone makes mistakes in this life. It is how we respond to the mistakes - that we make, or that others make that affect us - that reveals the type of woman or man that we are.
And I think I know the type of woman that you are, Hollie, otherwise you wouldn't have bared all here at SelfHelpCollective.com
Thank you so much for sharing, and I wish you strength and courage ahead to help you with whatever decision you make.
NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
(Dec 1st, 2015)