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"The best famous quotes and quotations I could find in the last half-hour!"

On this page you will find the following (I promise you):

  • the best inspirational quotes in the world ever
  • some famous quotes inspirational (whatever that means)
  • oh, and some funny quotes (if you're lucky!)

And, if you want to get the most out of these funny inspirational quotations then read all of the quotations at least SEVEN times! (Yes, this is definitely one of those times when you can't get too much of a good thing!)

Funny inspirational quotes image (Woody Allen quotation)

And remember, an inspirational quote a day keeps the doctor away! (Or something like that.) As ever, these free inspirational quotes and sayings are hand-picked (by me) - thousands of funny inspirational quotes were not funny or inspirational and some of them weren't even quotations.

Tch! Enough of my attempts at comedy. Enjoy...



Funny Quotations - Free Inspirational Quotes

Funny inspirational quotes - what they say...

The business of 'funny quotes' - tell me what you think!

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
-- Albert Einstein

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

-- Mark Twain

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

-- George Bernard Shaw

(Yep, GBS knows a thing or two about communication skills.)

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

-- Albert Einstein

(Albert, now you're just showing off!)


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"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
-- Woody Allen

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

-- Groucho Marx

(I think this sums up the philosophy behind the Self Help Collective nicely! ;-) Thanks, Groucho.)

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs -- jolted by every pebble in the road."

-- Henry Ward Beecher

"When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened."

-- Winston Churchill

"Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts."

-- Author Unknown

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."

-- David Rosam

"The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill."

-- W. Clement Stone

(Yep, this is an inspirational quote about success.)

"Eat well, stay fit, die anyway."

-- Ahmad



Funny inspirational quotes - what they still say...

MORE funny inspirational quotes and a quickie from YouTube (I love the quote from Erica Jong that says, "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.")...

(Coming soon!)

"I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up."

-- Tom Lehrer

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever [s]he is."

-- C.S. Lewis

"I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet."

-- Denis Waitley

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."

-- Gladys Berthe Stern

(Bravo! Are you grateful for anything?Well, why not share YOUR story with the world, then!)

"I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it."

-- George Bernard Shaw

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

-- Oprah Winfrey

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

-- Unknown

"If at first you don't succeed, think how many people you've made happy."

-- H. Duane Black

"Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself."

-- Sara Henderson

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."

-- Oscar Wilde

(Hee hee. How about you? What causes you to be happy?)

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

-- Woody Allen

"I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book."

-- Groucho Marx

"A smile confuses an approaching frown."

-- Author Unknown

(Another insight into how to boost self esteem: smile!)

"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead."

-- Bill Mcglashen

"A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks."

-- Charles Gordy

(Ooh, Charles, with funny inspirational quotes like that you belong on our self-esteem page too!)

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."

-- Franklin P. Jones

"There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened."

-- Mark Twain

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't."

-- Richard Bach

(Richard isn't the funniest man alive I agree but his novel, Illusions, is well worth a read! Inspiring! As are these personal growth tools I personally recommend - all of which enable you to carry on (full speed) with your 'mission'.)

"Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet."

-- Roger Miller

"The greatest thief this world ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large."

-- Henry Wheeler Shaw

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

-- Mark Twain

"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure."

-- Anon

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions."
-- Woody Allen



Funny Inspirational Quotes - What Next?


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