Finding The ONE?
by Anna Smart
(Salt Lake City, Utah, USA)
I'm tired of meeting guys who don't really want to commit. My last boyfriend is a classic, and typical, example. One day we're planning to move in together, get married next year, the next day he's called it off because he doesn't love me anymore. I'm tired of this, I really am: where are the good men, and what am I doing wrong?...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: Where Are All The Good Men?... MORE FROM Anna...
How can I meet good quality men that want a relationship?
I want to find 'the one' but I have trouble meeting men who are good quality, that are not so afraid of commitment.
I just got out of a one year relationship. He sent me an e-mail telling me he's not in love with me anymore and he thinks I would be happier with someone else. Well if he doesn't love me anymore than he's right - I WILL be happier with someone else.
The breakup was out of the blue and 2 weeks before I was gonna move in. I know! I know!
Moving in to a lot of women is a big 'no no' because he gets the benefits of a wife without having to marry me but it's not like that. I was gonna move in while he went to tech school for the army and we wanted to live in his apartment when we got married in the spring right after he got back.
He never told me he was having doubtful feelings about us. As a matter of fact the day before he said he was excited and loved me.
(This has been a basic repeat of every relationship I've had
and I'm sick of it.)
I was good to him and never did anything to hurt him and he still didn't love me. I'm a smart, beautiful woman, and I own my own business. I want to know where to meet better men
and I'm even open to change myself
I'm not so arrogant to think that maybe it's something about my personality that's causing this pattern in my relationships.
I want to change to break this pattern. Please help! If anyone knows of any dating sites that work well for them, relationship e-books or video programs, or ANYTHING AT ALL that can help me change this pattern and get on track to finding the one please let me know!
STEVE'S ANSWER"You are the only problem you will ever have and you are the only solution."
-- Bob Proctor
The first (possibly harsh) thing that comes to my mind in answering this relationship advice question is this:
To want to meet a better man become a better woman
(And, of course, the same goes for men wanting to meet better women.)
So I just don't buy it that 'you do nothing wrong in a relationship but it still ends anyway'. (And it looks like you no longer buy it, either, which is good.)
Women who genuinely want to commit to a loving, committed, great guy are just not drawn to date guys who don't want to commit. It's that simple. Sorry.
The good news is I think you've started to realise this, and that's why you've asked your question here.
So, some resources that might help:
- Deb Shanilec specialises in helping people (women) make different choices, get unstuck
- Scot McKay is a dating coach who aims to help men 'deserve what you want' (his wife Emily helps women do the same)
Great guys are out there. Great women are out there. They usually find each other sooner or later.
StevePS Anybody else got an opinion they'd like to share?
Know of any resources that might help Anna?...
NOTE: I created a quick-to-read ebook based on the 100+ answers I've so far provided in this relationship advice forum. A relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide help you find YOUR answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
Steve (Aug 31st, 2018)