What to Do with... Fear of Rejection?
"I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear...
"...to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat." So says Sylvester Stallone, that famous Hollywood bugle player!
- And I believe this rejection fear - one of the most common fears, by the way - is almost like a fear of life, itself.
...How about you? What are your thoughts on rejection fear? Contact us and share your views.
Fear of rejection
What I say...
Okay, my first encounter with rejection fear comes from my experience of approaching women, women I do not know. So many thoughts spinning around my head, as I contemplate what (if you think about it) is the simple act of approaching another human being and engaging with them.
You know, like you did as if it were nothing when you were a child.
And all in the vain (and false) hope that the thinking will bring 'protection' - a protection from life, no less!
But, perhaps the worst thing about fear of rejection is quite often you focus so much time on this deepest fear that it quite literally stops you from doing; e.g.
- It stops you from talking
to that interesting woman (or man) at the party
- It stops you from
standing up and sharing your opinion within the group
- It stops you from asking your boss for a deserved pay rise
In short, rejection fear stops you 'asking' for anything.
So you can see why one of the most common fears is, at best, a hindrance to all of us - at least the way that we currently allow rejection fear to limit our lives.
Okay let's look at what really happens when you get rejected!
Hmm, well... I guess it's embarrassing to say the least when a woman rejects your advances (or when a man says 'no thanks'), and you might feel awkward when the boss gives you lots of great reasons why now is not the time for a pay-rise. And...
And? And this rejection is usually nothing much worse than that, if truth be told. If truth be told it's not long before we can laugh at the embarrassing situation with 'X', when you got turned down badly. (I know that I have a few 'horror stories' that I am more than happy to smile at, now.)
In fact, I actually think that 'rejection' is frightening because we don't face up to our deepest fear enough.
Maybe we should all expose ourselves to that feeling of 'rejection' once a week so that we become blasé (and bored) of the fear of rejection. I'm sure the experiences would prove instructional - "Hmm, I wonder why I got rejected this time?" - and this fear would soon stop being one our top 10 fears.
Truth is - whether you experience the kind of fear of rejection I'm talking about, or you experience it in another form in your life - the only thing we have to fear, really, is our fearful thinking and how we might respond to it.
Are thoughts our enemy, then? Or should we just not take them so seriously?...
Understanding rejection fear
Obviously, nobody wants to get rejected all of the time - and I'm not advocating that, either. No, with rejection comes a new insight that can be turned into growth and into success.
So, with rejection comes growth. With rejection comes humility. And with rejection comes opportunity.
So, really, when we fear rejection, we're actually fearing change. And when we fear change, we fear life!
So fear of rejection is fear of life! And, hey, nobody wants to be frightened of life, do they?
So I say accept rejection - face up to it, get comfortable with it, learn from it (and forget overcoming fear of rejection) - and accept life.
To borrow an expression from highly regarded spiritual teacher Guy Finley:
"WANT WHAT LIFE WANTS".
So 'stuff' happens. And with our fears of rejection, commitment, intimacy, success, failure we try to limit and control the impact of this 'stuff' - but we shouldn't. Instead, we should all embrace life - the ups and downs, because that's what life is. Isn't it?
I guess my
somewhat elongated thoughts are summed up quite nicely by this fear
"It is not rejection itself that people
fear, it is the possible
consequences of rejection. Preparing to accept those
consequences and viewing rejection as a learning experience
that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you to
conquer the fear of rejection, but help you to appreciate rejection itself."
-- Bo Bennett
Yes, next time I'll just get Bo Bennett to have his say. It will save us all a lot of time, eh!
Solving rejection fear...
Some might argue that rejection fear is one of our deepest fears and needs to be overcome. Others, me included, think that this fear should be embraced. And maybe overcoming and embracing are one and the same thing. Anyway...
NOTE: one solution worth considering - is a self-hypnosis download from HypnosisDownloads.com. 'Overcome Fear of Rejection' is a short MP3 hypnosis script all about this rejection fear. Just sit down, listen, absorb... That's all it takes to make a difference!