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Does He Love Me?

by Victoria N
(Buea,Cameroon)

I'm looking for some online relationship advice re my closest friend, who is male. I've fallen in love with him, and I'm not sure what to do about it...

QUESTION: Does He Love Me?...

MORE FROM Victoria...

Does HE love me?

I have this friend of mine, we are so close and attached to each other, his mom and mine are best friends, yet I have fallen in love with him.

I am so scared of the possibility of getting hurt, I try to see him as a brother yet it doesn't really go, I get so frustrated about it.

Whenever I am with him we play a lot, he is always fond of winkling' me - he seems to know me so well.

I don't know if he feels the same towards me, cause he loves burying his thoughts, and I am too scared to force anything out of him.

I most often do the calling, while he does the answering; we play very intimately, that is, he is always all over me.

Does he love me?

Victoria

Overcome Your Insecurities: Here's How!

STEVE'S ANSWER

This inspirational relationship quote came to my mind, when I read your relationship question Victoria:

"I like her because she smiles at me and means it."
-- Unknown

The quick answer to your question is this: only HE knows if he loves you, so you must ask him.

Yes, unfortunately, this is one of those situations that you must take a risk and find out what this person really feels. I understand the risk - the risk of losing the friendship, the risk of the friendship changing into a relationship even - but the risk must be taken for you to know one way or another.

These questions take courage to ask, and at least you found the courage to ask here in our relationship advice forum. Others may answer differently to me, of course, but I urge you to find out for yourself, and continue being courageous...

Steve

Comments for Does He Love Me?

Does he love me
by: Anonymous

Vic, i think you should let him know about it, i also had something similar to that and it was when i told him my feelings that i realise he also love me but he was hidding it until i told him my feelings.

Friends with Benefits???
by: Paula Renaye

Victoria,

Okay, there's plenty of great inspiring and practical advice already written, so I'm going to do my tough love thing: You have feelings that will affect your friendship one way or another (if they aren't already) so you may as well get honest with yourself and deal with them head on.

If there's touchy-feely stuff going on, it's already blurred the lines between friends and friends with benefits, which is a disaster waiting to happen. You may want him to touch you so badly you can't stand it, but get a grip, girl. Without some clear direction on what's going on, you're setting yourself up for some serious heartache. You don't want to be the girl who fills a need until the right one comes along. And, if he's not feeling the same thing for you that you are for him, that's where you're headed.

So, how do you know what he's really feeling? You don't! You can't know unless you ask. You can probably handle "yeah, I’m feeling it too," but you have to be prepared in case that isn't his response. If he says, "I love you like a sister" or something else that totally sucks, you've got to smile and say "okay." Then you have to let those "other" feelings go and just be friends--if you can. If you can't do that immediately, tell him so and take a little time to resolve your feelings--allowing yourself to have romantic feelings for someone else helps a lot. Whatever the case, you have to take care of you.

And, under no circumstances should just hang around hoping he'll somehow miraculously wake up one day and realize how wonderful you are and fall in love. Get busy living your own life--being interested and interesting--and you'll be on the path to finding what it is you really want, not only in the right partner, but in yourself.

Take care of you!

Paula Renaye
Tough Love Coach
Hard Line Self Help

Embrace your own feelings.
by: Anonymous

Your situation sounds very exciting and full of suspense!

I know it is hard and almost torturous to feel the way you do, but perhaps try to see the fun side of this "romantic" experience. and like Steve said, be brave and confront the situation head on and just ask him if is feeling anything more than "just friends" for you. Good luck!

I'd be surpirsed if he isn't, but none of us can know the answer to your question.

It's best to centre yourself as much as you can and be prepared for any outcome... at this stage he may not even know himself exactly how he feels. And if he is as close to you as you say, hopefully he will be supportive towards your feelings regardless of how he feels.

Try to keep things light and not too serious. At the end of the day have faith that the love is already there in the beautiful friendship that you have developed.

Your feelings are yours and they are valid and real, regardless of whether someone reciprocates them or not - honour how you feel and embrace the opening of your own heart to deeper feelings and experiences.

This is about you and discovering yourself as much as it is about discovering the other person. Honour and respect that your feelings are ok.

If he doesn't feel the same way,and you feel disappointed, you will have to allow yourself time to process that, but eventually try to focus on and value the fact that the friendship is a wonderful source of happiness and support in your life anyway... Again... good luck!! I hope the romance does blossom for you.

Yes the risk will need to be taken, but how....
by: Anonymous

Steve I love your advice, you really do say things in a great way. I love you Steve!... See? I took a risk, Victoria - it wasn't so bad... Actually, I feel embarrased now!!... Writing to him may be a bit easier than face to face?

Seriously, I feel for your situation - it's so hard when you don't know how someone feels. And the more you think about it the worse it seems to get

So, hey - here are some less scary ways to try to find out what he thinks about you:

1 A mutual friend could find out what he is feeling - an age-old practise this one, isn't it?

2. Watch a movie about love and then ask some questions about how he feels about romance

3. Back off slightly, and perhaps that will coax a reaction from him that will cause him to express how he feels towards you.

4. Play a game where the loser has to say who they love, and then all may be revealed.

5. Play a game with friends where the loser has to kiss someone. If either of you lose and choose each other it's a chance to see if the chemistry is mutual.

6. Pretend you're inlove with someone else

Okay, these are just some 'beating round the bush' tactics on how to work the male species that possibly Steve doesn't quite know, or approve of that I am sure many people have used for centuries.

I suppose Steve is right though, a simple and direct question may be the best and safest way. (Steve's often right - he's good at this, that's why I love him!!)

Trust yourself! If you have a question then send it out into the universe with the faith that an answer will come.

Or, when you are in his company send the thoughts to him that if he likes you the door is open and it's safe for him to say so.

Sometimes it's not even about words, it's just the thoughts and vibrations you eminate that can produce change.You may have a strong affect on him, which can be scary for a young man. Stand back slightly from your own feelings and allow some space for his to be revealed if they are there. Males can be very sensitive to body language and unspoken cues. So send him your message & have confidence that you may be affecting him more than you realise.

[...]

I hope I am not giving you bad advice, just being honest. They are not games to harm or hurt anyone, just little ways to reveal a truth that is hidden or reluctant to come out. Hopefully he has a sense of humour. He may be just as tortured as you over all of this. Try to loosen up and enjoy the process and have fun. And not take it too seriously. You're only young. Steve'ss advice is very sound - just ASK!! And good to nuture the honest and direct aproach. If he does like you he will be very relieved. Iff not, you can still be friends.

STEVE COMMENT:
Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom here. AND... thank you for loving me so!
Steve

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