Contributions from the Collective

"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

Confused With Boys

by Jasmine Shaw
(Washington, D.C, USA)

I've just started dating and boy am I confused! And this confusion is starting to affect my life - my grades are dropping, at school. So I'm looking for some relationship advice online, can you help me!...

QUESTION: BOYS!? Help!...

MORE FROM Jasmine...

I'm confused with boys.

Basically, I started to date this boy 2 years ago. And now, I like boys and some like me back. But because of all of this my grades are dropping, and my whole life is upside down.....................................

Help?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ??????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STEVE'S ANSWER:

Welcome to life, Jasmine, welcome to love!

I do not mean to trivialise your situation, it's just that "the problems with boys" (or "the problems with girls") NEVER go away, no matter how experienced you are in life and in love.

So, without knowing it Jasmine, you ask a UNIVERSAL question...

"When I first saw you, I was afraid to meet you, when I first met you I was afraid to kiss you, when I first kissed you I was afraid to love you but now that I love you I am afraid to lose you."
-- Unknown
(More quotes about relationships here...)

If you make it your life mission to "figure out the opposite sex" then, I'm afraid to say, you're going to live an unhappy, fruitless life.

Men and women (boys and girls) are different. Their bodies are different; their emotions are different; they think differently.

Every individual on this planet is different, too.

So ALL you can hope to achieve when in relationship with another, as I'm sure Paula Renaye will mention, is to know what you want and assert yourself in getting it. Love yourself first, then love another; do the best you can; then, after all that, ya just gotta take the rough with the smooth.

Because, quite often, "the other sex" don't make no 'sense' at all, and they're not supposed to either...

Wish you well, Jasmine, with your adventures in life and love, and I thank you for sharing your exasperations here!!?!! ;-)

Steve

Comments for Confused With Boys

I wish that I knew what I know now...when I was younger
by: Paula Renaye

Jasmine,

Have you heard that song with the line: I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger? I LOVE that song and it is so true. That said, I hope you will be able to hear what I know now while you ARE younger!

Of course, it would really make this whole thing easier if I could just unscrew the top of your head and pour in about 20 years of my hard-earned lessons. But, I can't. So, being a rambler, I'm going to tell you what I did, why you don't need to and a couple of ways you can make life easier for yourself.

Like a lot of teenage girls, my world revolved around boys. And even though I made lofty statements about how I was my own person and had a plan for my career and my life, blah blah blah, my bigger programmed belief was that I had to have a guy--and every decision I made took me down that trail instead of the one I said I wanted.

I literally gave up everything in order to keep one particular boy in my life. I was quite successful at it too--at least superficially. The reality of it was that I totally lost my sense of self--my identity.

And that is what I want to say to you--tough love warning. Right now, get it really clear in your head that you do not need a boy to validate you or to prove that you are "okay" or "good enough" because you have a boyfriend.

If you will start right now becoming really confident and happy with you as an individual, you will save yourself a lot of grief and heartache in the future. And, you'll be on much more solid ground in dealing with boys--it won't leave you tied up in knots as it used to do me (and I'm talking waaaay past my teenage years).

So, here are two questions you can ask yourself when you are feeling off-kilter about a situation (I can't repeat this tip enough!):

1. Would a person with high self-esteem and self-respect, do what I'm doing? Think what I'm thinking? Or tolerate what I'm tolerating? Why or why not?

2. Is what I'm doing going to get me closer to what I really want? Why or why not?

That last one is kind of trick question since you have to be really clear about what you want. Is it a particular kind of relationship or just one particular boy? Makes a HUGE difference! So does the why of it all. And if you can start realizing now why you want--or don't want--particular things (it's all about the feeling you get from it), you'll know yourself better than most adults do. And, you'll be making your choices on purpose because they are in line with what you know you want.

Be the very best authentic you, you can be because everyone is attracted to a confident person who loves and respects herself.

Get to it!
Hugs!

Paula

PS: If anyone is telling you these are the best years of your life, I promise you they are not! Do what you need to today and watch it just get better and better!

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