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Complicated Boy-Girl Stuff!

by Anon

This boy I really like seems to like me back, but never enough to actually go out with me and I'm a bit confused. What should I do?...

QUESTION: I'm Not Sure What To Do Anymore!...

MORE FROM Anon...

When I was in high school I met this guy that I really liked. I asked him to the prom and he said he would never be allowed to go with me because I was white and he was not. He told me he really liked me though. The day of the prom he showed up with someone of a different race who he claimed to be his girlfriend. I don't know why he lied to me. He should have just said he had a girlfriend. Eventually (after like a few weeks) he broke up with her.

Now we go to the same college. This guy hangs out a lot with me and seems really interested. The problem I have is, he'll say something like, "When I get married, I want to marry someone like you." But, at the same time he will be in a relationship with someone else. His relationships do not last long at all (like 2 months at most). When I am with him, he often brings up an ex or some girl he dated. I have known him for 2 years now but he won't ever date me but he'll talk about marriage. However, the girls he knows for a couple of days he will date.

This is killing me because I don't know if I should even bother caring about him because of all the stuff he did before or not. I guess what I am really asking is for an opinion on whether I should even bother trying to talk to him. It seems like every time I want to try to make us more than friends, I get hurt, more specifically, by him.

What should I do? I'm so lost. I don't even know if he just plain doesn't like me but doesn't have the guts to tell me off...

Overcome Your Insecurities: Here's How!

STEVE'S ANSWER

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
-- Anonymous

An anonymous response to a question posed anonymously! Nice.

Actually, this is a tricky situation you find yourself in, Anon, and one that many would struggle with. The best way to deal with this is honestly and openly - simply tell this person how you feel, how frustrated you are that he says one thing (about you) but does another (dates others), and give him the opportunity to respond likewise.

He may well be surprised by your thoughts about him.

He may well have been frightened to approach you.

Or he might just enjoy 'messing you about'.

In any case, if you respond in a mature and adult way he can do so too. Let's hope he does, but if he doesn't - if he carries on saying one thing and doing another - well that's when you need to decide what's important to you, and whether this is the type of friendship you want in your life...

Good luck!

Steve

Comments for Complicated Boy-Girl Stuff!

To continue or not
by: Anonymous

It could it be that he has a problem maintaining a relationship as you did say his relationships last about two months.

Or it could it be he sees the two of you as being just friends since he's known you so long, and he thinks/knows you'll be there.

But then again, years ago he lied to you by saying he couldn't date you because of your race and then showed up with someone he professed to be his girlfriend who happen to be a different race.

He may just be one of those guys that is a player in the true sense of the word. You have to decide do you want his friendship as so far that's really all he has given to you.

Anytime a guy talks about his ex girlfriends (especially when he only had one for a couple months at a time) he's trying to tell you something or either he's comparing you to them. I'm thinking you deserve so much better than what he is offering you, you have to decide if this guy is worth waiting for and how long you may have to wait, cause you may be missing or overlooking a great guy out there meant for you.

And then he may see what he could have had, but first I would ask him so I'd know where I stand with him.

Wishing you the best.

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