"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

Choosing the Right Man

by Samantha
(Charleston, SC, U.S.A.)

Hmm, the online relationship advice I'm looking for is simply to get help with a (nice) choice I have to make, fairly soon: which man is for me? Can you help?...

QUESTION: How do I pick the man that is right for me?

MORE FROM Samantha...

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here. I am seeing 3 men right now and I'm not sleeping with any of them. They all know I'm talking to other men and don't like it but are dealing with it. I've told them they can do the same.

I'm 25 years old and I really want to find the guy I'm going to spend my life with. I've struggled in love with so many failed relationships and I want to settle down and have a family. I just can't figure out which one is best.

Choice 1 is my ex of a year and a half. He's 24 and severely ADHD and a mess. He's so funny and we have a lot of chemistry but he also has anger problems and yells a lot. He'd rather smoke weed and play video games with his friends than make me feel like I'm a priority.

He's a good guy, family oriented and takes care of me when we go out but still has a lot of growing up to do. I also actually love him.

Choice 2 is a man that I met off of Match.com. Hes 32 and a supervisor in the AirForce. He owns a house, has a dog, two cars, in great shape, and is looking for someone to settle down with.

He seems perfect. However, I don't agree with a lot of his politics, he seems more interested in my body and being all over me than who I am as a person. We like each other but i feel that we lack a certain depth... I could just be crazy.

Choice 3 is a guy that is full American Indian. I'm White and American Indian mixed. We have that in common and we can relate to each other. He's 27 and lives in a trailer in the country. He has a daughter and pays his child support. He doesn't have a lot of money and he's not super established. But for some reason we have this chemistry and bond already that I cant explain.

He could just be a smooth talker and I'm falling for it.

He says I cant give you a big house or a fancy car but I can be loyal to you and make you happy and try to be a better man everyday than I was the day before.

I'm very confused and I don't want any regrets! Help!

Comments for Choosing the Right Man

You can't control (or predict) the future, you know!...
by: Steve

Let me be honest with you. I am answering this question (you've asked on our relationship advice forum) before I've actually read your question.

And I'm doing so because I know this is a question about which person/lover to choose.

And I know, usually, that when there is a choice there is no choice at all.

And what I mean by that, if it isn't obvious, then there is no choice to make.

So I share the above with you, on the understanding that I have not read a description of your choices, I have not come to a decision about which man I think is most suitable (because how can I know this - I do not share you values, your beliefs, your readiness to love fully and openly (or not)).

Perhaps it realy is obvious who you should choose, and I will curse myself for not making my choice. But I prefer to answer the question about making choices in general rather than this specific choice that faces you.

I do hope that is okay.

And I hope it's okay that I share the following 3 quotes on making choices with you...

"Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom."
- Buddha

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
- Mae West

"Within each day, we have this choice: we can build walls, block ourselves from the light, and suffer a dampness in the soul. Or we can live barely, shine on through, and suffer the nicks of erosion for living in the open."
- Mark Nepo

Good luck,

Editor, SelfHelpCollective.com

Ps You might like to try out this question and answer website, too, EgoFatigo.com. I created it. You ask a question, you get a random answer, and then you fill in the gaps...

- http://www.egofatigo.com

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