SelfHelpCollective.com

Can I Love Him?

by Ebony
(Los Angeles, CA, USA)

I'm being pressured to marry someone. It started before I even met the man. It's not as if we get on that well together. What should I do?

QUESTION: Can I Love Him?...

MORE FROM Ebony...

I have been talking to this guy for 4 months before we met physically; and before we met, he was already talking of marriage! But each time he brings up the topic, I tell him we have to see before we can proceed. He asked why, I told him I don't know if we will be attracted to each other. Before we met, we always have series of hot arguments on the phone. On each occasion, he apologizes but repeats same thing again. We met for the first time 4 months after we started talking.

The first couple of days we were together, I hardly spoke - he did all the talking and I was just listening. Then he started asking me to provide him with a wedding date. I told him, I think he is taking things too fast and wished he would be patient for us to get to know each other more. My reply got him angry and he accused me of having multiple relationships, according to him, why would I delay his proposal if I didn't have a backup plan.

I have asked him to give me more time to decide, but he doesn't seem to have that much of time.

We spend most of our time together arguing.

Honestly speaking, he is a very nice guy, he spoils me with gifts, but I don't love him that much to want to spend the rest of my life with him.

He suspects all my moves. To him, every call I make or receive is from a guy. He doesn't want me to hang out or talk to my male friends. He feels so insecure. He keeps telling me he will die if he doesn't marry me.

I can't even kiss this guy. I'm trying hard to like him, but the feeling is not just there. I guess we started on the wrong note and our series of arguments initially has made me exhaustive.

Do you think I can grow up to like this guy if we get married?

 

 

STEVE'S ANSWER

Hmm, I really don't know where to begin with your relationship question Ebony. I do know one thing, though, that a lot of women reading your question will be ANGRY!.

So all I'm going to do here is find a suitable inspirational quotation, and then to repeat back some of what you're asking us to help you with.

Then I think you will be able to answer your question yourself!...

"All wrong doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the best thing to do."
-- Arnold Bennett

Ebony, you say:

1. "..before we met, he was already talking of marriage!"

2. "Before we met, we always have series of hot arguments...

3. "...he apologizes but repeats same thing again"

4. "The first couple of days we were together, I hardly spoke"

5. [Again] he started asking me to provide him with a wedding date

6. "I think he is taking things too fast and wished he would be patient for us..."

7. "My reply got him angry and he accused me of having multiple relationships"

8. "We spend most of our time arguing"

9. "...he is a very nice guy, he spoils me with gifts"

10. "He suspects all my moves... He doesn't want me to hang out or talk to my male friends"

11. "He keeps telling me he will die if he doesn't marry me."

12. "I can't even kiss this guy"

13. "Do you think I can grow up to like this guy if we get married?"


Ebony, is this REALLY the sort of romance you have in mind for yourself and for your loved ones?...

Steve