"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)

Angry Because Felt Out Of Place

by Lian

I was working in the same company with my best friend but in a different team. Her boyfriend was also working in the same office and they are together in the same team..

What follows is a summary of the event...

Out of Place?!... Grrr!

[This is an interesting angry story. And reveals much. So much so, that I've decided to add my comments after each important part, and put them between these square brackets... ]

During office hours my best friend and I spoke, and we arranged to leave the office together, at the same time, with her boyfriend. But when we met in the lobby there were two other officemates, there too! And they were also going to leave with us.

[First I thought it would be the 3 of us, but it turned out to be two extra people, making 5.]

I already knew these two people, from previously, so for me this change in plans was okay...

So we're all in the same transport, and we're all standing together. Everyone is sharing stories from work regarding their team within the day. I butt in every now and then to some of the stories, just so I can feel comfortable, even though I'm not sure about the stories because they're all about their team, so how would I know!

But then I start to feel awkward...

[As we leave the office and travel together, we start to chat and share stories from our work day! Unfortunately the stories are not about my team and I feel a bit left out.]

Still, I keep silent and I let them do the talking and laughing. But it feels so annoying. So as soon as a chair becomes vacant I sit in it, expecting my best friend to sit with me too. But she didn't. And it burns me more. She kept on with her boyfriend and with their office/teammates leaving me behind alone.

[So when I get the chance to sit down, I take it, expecting my best friend to join me too, even though she is with her boyfriend.]

I really think she should sit with me, though, since I am new to this group and I didn't know anything 'bout their stories etc. My eyes are really burning hot. I want to tell her that she shouldn't do that. I feel so OUT OF PLACE here!

[She should sit with me, though, as I am new to the group. I am really angry with her, and want to tell her so! Feel out of place!]

So when all of their officemates left the transport vehicle it was just me, my best friend and her boyfriend left together. But I was no longer talking... That was when they only focused on me. They were now talking to me and cracking jokes. I only smiled, I can't laugh because I feel so angry...

[When the colleagues left us my friend and her boyfriend started to talk to me again, laughing. But I only smiled as I was so angry!]

After out dinner together, my best friend and I were left to ride on the bus home, just the two of us. She asked me why I was acting like that, why I was angry. And I told her that I was angry because of what happened with her colleagues on the transport. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to tell her that I felt so alone and out of place. I was not able to tell her that "You're the one who invited me, but then you left me alone in front of your friends!" I implied it, instead, hoping she would read between the lines.

[When it was just the two of us riding back on the bus my friend asked me why I was angry and I explained. Didn't tell her everything, though, just implied it.]

You know what, it turns out that she's the one whose getting mad with me. We exchange unhealthy words. I just hoped that I should have said it directly knowing that either way it turns out like this. To end the story... When we're waiting for our turn in the bus ride, I was the one who started to reconcile for I don't want to end the day when we're mad at each other. But the feeling I felt, the burden, it didn't loo sen up...

A sad one....But we're still good friends together..

[It turns out that my best friend is mad with me. No idea why! After we exchange angry words I decide to be the one to reconcile, even though I didn't really want to. Sad, indeed!]

Comments for Angry Because Felt Out Of Place

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Aug 20, 2009
Leave it be
by: Anonymous

I have been in the situation plenty of times and to be honest as a woman of "colour" if I am with all white people, my first fear and defensive reaction is racial exclusion... When this happens I just tend to myself, don't attempt to get back into the pack and just stay in my own centre as peaceful as possible...

People can exclude people unconsciously or deliberately like school children...

Either way it is their issue not the person being excluded... If it happened a lot, I would have to start to ??? the friendship title of the relationship :0)

Aug 19, 2009
A sad one, indeed!
by: Steve

This is a fascinating story. And I know I have been there, on many occasions. And I know the people I've been angry at had no idea why I was mad with them. Would you?

Now, with the blessed virtue of hindsight and distance and, dare I say, 'maturity' I know what this story is all about. (Well I know what this story is all about when it was my story, anyway!)

And, the issues here are mostly to do with the following:
Well that's what I think, anyway. How about you? Please leave your own comments why don't you!...

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