"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Visibly Invisible Woman

by C
(Essex, England)


C's low self esteem symptoms make uneasy reading. There is no list of signs, here, but how C lives her life every day cries out 'low self esteem' (I think). I've responded to this general problem in my comments, below...

A visibly invisible woman...

I am so shy and awkward my presence makes other people uncomfortable.

Waiting for my kids in the school playground is a time I dread every school day. The only one stood on her own. again.

I just don't fit in. Never have. Anywhere.

I am aware my marriage is falling apart. I think I am almost willing it to happen in a passive way. I never have anything to say to him any more. I am moody. Can't stand compliments.

I wish I had done something with my life. Instead, I put all my energy into putting on a show of 'happy mother' to my kids. It is draining.

And I would rather spend an hour trying to get out of a parking space than ask a stranger for help. Or I'd rather buy something I don't need or want in a shop so I can get a receipt with the time on than ask someone what the time is.

C



[STEVE'S COMMENT]
These low self esteem signs feel familiar to me - admittedly, not to this extent, but nevertheless I'm aware that I have felt like this in the past. And I experience people who still feel this way today. And the over-riding sense I have of the 'problems' being expressed here, is one of 'fear of expressing who you are'.

So whether it's the issue of co-dependency that Hanson talks of in his relationship question or it's low self worth, it feels to me (and apologies if this offends, C) that when a person lives their life according to someone else's (quite often assumed) rules, trouble is ALWAYS going to be waiting for them, sooner or later.

Whereas IF you express what's going on with yourself, without blame as much as you can, then you start being true to yourself. (I do not believe for a minute, for example, that C's children want their mother to pretend to be happy if she is not.)

It takes courage and strength to be who you are. But when you take the 'safer' option, to be who (you think) someone else wants you to be, it can easily cause this unhappy list of low self esteem signs.

NOTE: Elaine Sihera's thoughts on low self esteem are worth reading... (for ALL of us))



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