"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Trusting Husband... Again!

by Jenn
(Elba Alabama, USA)

My husband has cheated on me. He says he's sorry, and considers himself a fool to have done it, but still... I'm not sure if I can trust him anymore...

"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"

QUESTION: How Do I Forgive Husband, And Trust Again?...


MORE FROM Jenn...

I just found out that my fiance of 2 years has been cheating on me.

I have 2 children and he has one. I am good to him, faithful, take care of his house and mine, do his laundry, and he even gets breakfast in bed when I stay the weekends with him.

More importantly, I am also deeply in love with him.

He is the father figure to my boys (their father isn't in their lives).

He seems to sincerely be sorry for his actions. He says he's never had someone truly love him and he's in love with me and he can't believe he screwed up the best thing he's had (as far as a relationship).

I can't seem to just walk away from him, plus I don't want my boys feeling like it's their fault and losing the only dad they know. But I can't live my life wondering if he is cheating again either.

I want to forgive him, but I don't how. Please help me!...




Comments for Trusting Husband... Again!

Click here to add your own comments

There's a problem
by: Paula Renaye

Jenn,

When someone cheats, there's a reason. And unless you get to the bottom of that reason and clear it, there will be a lot more problems of one kind or another.

Here's the tough thing to say: If your relationship is so great as he says, then why did he do it? What's his excuse? He did what he did for a reason--something he wanted to get that he wasn't. I could guess all day about what, but that's not the issue. This isn't about you figuring out what he needs so you can fix it and he won't cheat again.

You can never change yourself enough to make someone else do anything--nor should you. What you can do, however, is take care of yourself, figure out why you are in the relationship--what's really driving you besides the being in love part.

I have some little questions that pack a big punch. I call them The Big Four, and they can help you get some important insights on your "wants."
What do you want? (to save the relationship)
Why do you want it?
How will you feel if you get it?
How will you feel if you don't?

Answering those questions honestly will give you some important information about what you're really after--and what you're afraid of.

Get some clarity about yourself then you can decide if the relationship is what you want. I highly and strongly encourage to get some professional help with this situation, preferably someone who is skilled at working with family dynamics as well as individual issues. Find someone who you have a good feel about and who fits well with you. A few sessions with the right therapist can be very helpful for everyone.

I'm also going to end this with two more questions from my book. When you're wondering what to do, ask yourself these two questions:

1. Would a person with high self-esteem and self-respect do what I'm doing? Why or why not?

2. Does this get me closer to what I really want? Why or why not? (be clear on the want--is it a healthy, loving, trust-filled relationship, or is it him?)

Just remember, you can be happy--you just have to be willing to do what it takes. And sometimes, the very thing it takes to be happy is the one thing we aren't willing to do. At least it was for me.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best with your decisions!
Paula Renaye
http://hardlineselfhelp.com

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your Relationship Q&As.