"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Should My Ex Be Mad?

by Emily
(USA)

My on-off relationship with my ex- of 3 years just turned nasty. He found out I slept with someone else - whilst we weren't seeing each other - and now he's mad and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Should he be mad like this?...

"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"

QUESTION: Should He Be Mad I Slept With Another Man When We Weren't Together?...


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Me and this guy have been together for 3 years. Off and on. We were very serious but the past few months were rocky. He was acting very uninterested and so we broke up.

Later on I told him I wanted to be with him and that if he felt the same way he needed to tell me. I wasn't going to wait around.

Well he never answered me he would always change the subject.

So I realized he really didn't want me and it hurt but I couldn't make him want me. So I started talking to this other guy and we ended up sleeping together. And afterwards I couldn't stop crying because I couldn't stop thinking about my ex.

So I stopped seeing the man.

Well, this past week my ex's really been trying to talk to me and so I decided to give him another chance. Apparently someone told him I slept with another man while we were broken up and he is furious. He wants absolutely nothing to do with me.

I don't understand because I have put up with all his stuff... Him talking to other girls and I forgave him with standards but I have always stuck by his side.

But the second I stray away from him he wants nothing to do with me.

Did I do anything wrong? Should he be getting this upset since we weren't together?




Comments for Should My Ex Be Mad?

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It's the WHY that counts
by: Paula Renaye

It's really hard when you care about someone and they don't return your feelings--I know. I also know how long I hung on--and didn't move on--from a seriously unhealthy relationship because I kept hoping things would change. Well, here's the deal, something needed to change all right, but it wasn't him, it was ME! I needed to get over pining for someone who never treated me well or respected me in the first place. And, in order to do that, I had to start respecting myself first.

All that said, NO beating yourself up over it. You should, however, get clear with yourself on why you did what you did on all counts. Why are you hanging on to this guy? Why did you sleep with another guy? Did you subconsciously hope it would make your ex jealous and he'd come back to You? Did you subconsciously do it because you knew when the ex found out he'd never want anything to do with you and that would make it easier for you to move on?

I don’t' know why you did what you did--but you do, so spend some time and get clear on it. It generally isn't WHAT we do that's most important, it's WHY. Figure out your whys so you don't have to repeat them.

You deserve a mutually fulfilling, respectful, loving and committed relationship. So, get busy fulfilling, being respectful, loving and committed to yourself! And if you get in a bind and don't know what to do, ask yourself these two simple questions from The Hardline Self Help Handbook:

1. Would a person with high self-esteem and self-respect do what I'm doing? Think what I’m thinking? Tolerate what I'm tolerating? Why or why not?
2. Will what I'm doing get me closer to what I really want? Why or why not?

Use those two questions as your filter--your decision litmus test--and see if things don't get a lot clearer!

Best of luck to you!

Paula Renaye

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