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Why are you really hurting yourself like this?

That's what Bill Urell wonders. And his 'Self-sabotaging and Self-defeating Behaviors: 8 Tips to Stopping' (that I summarise in the video below) pulls no punches! And neither do I!...

I look at how I have sabotaged my own desire to be in a successful long-term relationship with somebody special. It's painful reading. (For me, anyway.)

Which means the only person left to take a honest look at themselves is... you! Do you dare?...

Self-sabotaging and Self-defeating Behaviors

What I say...

Oh boy, what a topic, what a topic indeed! I must be the guru of self-sabotage, I really must. I know sooo much about my own self-sabotaging behaviours, particularly when it comes to NOT getting involved in a serious long-term relationship, to NOT committing to a life-partner (and to not developing my online business - but that's another story for another time!).

And they say a problem share is a problem halved, so I've decided to share with you (and revise) my very latest thinking (Dec 22nd, 2011) on my own sabotaging behaviour.

It ain't pretty, and I ain't proud!

But, seeing as today is the very first day of the rest of my life, and that I believe leopards CAN change their spots, I'm actually feeling pretty hunky dory about my prospects....

Okay, firstly Bill Urell's 'self-sabotaging wisdom' is great: he says it like it is, when it comes to self-defeating behaviour (watch the video below).

For example, Bill says 'every action is taken for a reason'. And I really do believe that he is right. I really do believe that whatever mess we're in right now, is a mess that we have 'chosen' to be in - consciously or subconsciously.

(And the good news there is that as long as we don't
resist the truth being revealed to us, we can use
it to be grow a little more into our true selves. )

So, I've understood Bill's words and I'm going to do what he suggests. I am going to reveal my own self-sabotaging behaviours (as Bill frames it) to do with my still being single to you. (And, for the record, I am being painfully honest here in revealing something to the world that I have only just 'discovered' about myself - discovered Feb, 2009!)

So, my self sabotage question is this:

Why have I 'preferred' to be a 'womanizer' than
commit myself to a loving, caring long-term
relationship with someone special?

The payoff?

I think I have 'loved' feeling guilty (about hurting partners, or cheating on them) and I also 'love' the thought that I am inadequate and 'not good enough' for someone to be with me for the long-term.

My past?

I come from a broken home. My parents separated when I was 5 years old. I believe that my first 5 years (of which I have no recollection) may well have been the cause of my need to always have emotional 'options'. I don't know, to be honest - this is very much a work in progress, right now. What I do know is that the symptoms of self sabotage do/did exist in me.

First thought wrong?

I always - and I mean always - used to accuse my ex-girlfriends (in my thoughts, at least) of thinking that I was not good enough for them, in some way.

And the shocking truth was that I believed that they were not good enough for me! I thought they were too 'fat', too emotionally immature, didn't have enough energy, were too old, or had too many 'problems' in their life...

And none of these thoughts were valid; all were symptomatic of my own sabotage at play!

Done suffering yet?

Yes. Absolutely. And done causing unnecessary pain, too. I am ready, in the words of Oriah Mountain Dreamer, to 'shout "Yes!" to the silver of the moon' !

Okay, this is all well and good - anyone can find a reason to behave badly - but how do we stop self sabotage?

Well, recognising an unhealthy behaviour pattern is the first step in remedying it, I believe.
And Bill Urell's wisdom gives some pointers. See below.
And I'm sure professional help via psychotherapy is useful too.
As is self-hypnosis - and HypnosisDownloads' self-sabotaging script is the place to go for that kind of remedy, absolutely.
As is challenging yourself to change your behaviour: in my case, to commit - in sickness and in health.

Please know that I do not blame anyone as I discover the 'causes' of my own self-sabotaging behaviour! I just want to be aware of it, want it to stop having so much power over me.

I will overcome self sabotage! And this 'confessional' page helps!

How about you? Do you have a self-sabotaging story to share? Please do!