And his 'Self-sabotaging and Self-defeating
Behaviors: 8 Tips to Stopping' (that I summarise in the video below) pulls no punches! Neither do I!...
look at how I have sabotaged my own desire to be in a successful long-term relationship. It's painful reading. (For me, anyway.)
Which means the
only person left to take a honest look at themselves is... you! Do
Self-sabotaging and Self-defeating Behaviors
What I say...
boy, what a topic, what a topic indeed! I must be the guru of self-sabotage,
I really must. I know sooo much about my own self-sabotaging behaviours, particularly
when it comes to NOT getting involved in a serious long-term relationship, to
NOT committing to a life-partner (and to not developing my online business - but that's another story for another time!).
And they say a problem share is a problem
halved, so I've decided to share with you (and revise) my very latest thinking (Dec 22nd,
2011) on my own sabotaging behaviour.
It ain't pretty, and I ain't proud!
as today is the very first day of the rest of my life, and that I believe leopards
CAN change their spots, I'm actually feeling pretty hunky dory about my prospects....
My 'Sabotaging' Story
Okay, firstly Bill Urell's
'self-sabotaging wisdom' is great: he says it like it is, when it comes
to self-defeating behaviour (watch the video below).
For example, Bill says 'every action is taken
for a reason'. And I really do believe that he is right. I really do believe that
whatever mess we're in right now, is a mess that we have 'chosen' to be in
- consciously or subconsciously.
(And the good news there
is that as long as we
resist the truth being revealed to us, we can
it to be grow a little more into our true selves. )
So, I've understood Bill's words and I'm going to do what
he suggests. I am going to reveal my own self-sabotaging behaviours (as Bill frames it) to do with
my still being single to you. (And, for the record, I am being painfully honest
here in revealing something to the world that I have only just 'discovered'
about myself - discovered Feb, 2009!)
So, my self sabotage question is this:
have I 'preferred' to be a 'womanizer' than
commit myself to a loving, caring
relationship with someone special?
think I have 'loved' feeling guilty (about hurting partners, or cheating on them)
and I also 'love' the thought that I am inadequate and 'not good enough' for someone
to be with me for the long-term.
I come from a
broken home. My parents separated when I was 5 years old. I believe that my first 5 years (of which I have no recollection)
may well have been the cause of my need to always have emotional 'options'. I
don't know, to be honest - this is very much a work in progress, right now. What
I do know is that the symptoms of self sabotage do/did exist in me.
First thought wrong?
I always - and I mean always - used to accuse
my ex-girlfriends (in my thoughts, at least) of thinking that I was not good enough
for them, in some way.
And the shocking truth was that I believed that they
were not good enough for me! I thought they were too 'fat', too emotionally
immature, didn't have enough energy, were too old, or had too many 'problems'
in their life...
And none of these thoughts
were valid; all were symptomatic of my own sabotage at play!
Done suffering yet?
Yes. Absolutely. And done causing unnecessary pain,
too. I am ready, in the words of Oriah Mountain Dreamer, to 'shout
"Yes!" to the silver of the moon' !
Okay, this is
all well and good - anyone can find a reason to behave badly - but how do we stop self sabotage?
Well, recognising an unhealthy behaviour pattern
is the first step in remedying it, I believe.
And Bill Urell's wisdom gives
some pointers. See below.
And I'm sure professional help via psychotherapy
is useful too.