Self image? I say you look beautiful, what do you say?...   

Self Image

Millions suffer from a poor body image - are you one of them?

Poor self-image is endemic it seems, all over the world; it particularly affects young (and not-so-young) women, alas. Add one celebrity culture (that prizes good looks above all else) to a dash of computer wizardry ( PhotoShop example #1, #2, #2 again ) and mix with a massive helping of health and beauty products/services to buy, and you can see why poor self image is such a big self esteem issue. It sells product!

"Just 2% of today's women see themselves as beautiful"
-- BBC Website (2006)

I have no cure-alls for this malaise (mainly affecting women - it did affect me when I was younger, though), but I do hope to inspire everyone - via videos, articles and comments, etc. - that a positive self image is worth it! Because, er, you're worth it! (Hah.)

Riggie Freyer's "How to Develop Positive Self-Image" article (below) is a starting point to an improved self image. I think. (What do you think?)

Anyway, let's get going with this video called "Media's Influence on Women's Image"...

Do let me know what you think - please! Yes, have your say when it comes to self image!

Self image - what I say...

Right now, at this point in my life, I have a positive self image: I like how I look, a lot! Yes, I could be taller and, yes, I could look younger and I'm sure I could even have a few more muscles. Still, I believe I've never looked better!(*)

It wasn't always like that, though. In my teens and early twenties I went through my whole body, body part by body part, finding fault. The list went something like this:

• I don't like my lips. (I wanted them to look thin like the white people in my class (I am mixed race, by the way - whatever that means).)
• I don't like my bum. (It's too big. See above.)
• I don't like it that my arms aren't hairy. (Again, see above.)
• I don't like my thin ankles.
• I don't like my rounded shoulders
• I wish my legs were longer and my torso shorter.
• I don't like my thin wrists
• My chest doesn't look right; it's too bony in the centre!

Most of the issues above are related to my self esteem and body image, yes. And none of it came from the media. Now, crazily, some of these 'faults' in my body I see as being positive - 'nice bum' (ahem!), smooth skin etc.

As I said, I love my body. I probably like my body much more than most people like theirs . But, as you can see, it wasn't always thus.

Yes, my poor body image was another symptom of low self esteem, of having little or no self respect. :-(

But I managed to change this, over time. (I know it's easier being a man, as Rachel and Soni explain below, but I still believe it's possible to have a positive self image whoever you are!) Yes, I really do believe what Baz Luhrman said in that daft (and inspirational song) called Wear Sunscreen):

"Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own"

...And, finally, Riggie Freyer's article provides you with the self motivation to improve your body image, should you need it. It talks about acceptance, about meditating and about separating who you are from what you have! It ain't easy, though, to think of yourself as the beautiful person that you really are, but it is possible. After all, your thinking can be controlled.

Still...

(*) I also believe that outer appearances are influenced by inner feelings. And my inner feelings about myself have never been more positive, I've never been as confident etc. Just goes to show that you can affect how you look on the outside by how you feel on the inside! :-)

Self image - what Rachel says...

Rachel knows how important it is to love your body. And, as a mother, she wants to encourage her young daughter to believe that her body is beautiful (because it is!). Yet, despite all this, Rachel continues to still have issues with her own self image. The issues may have changed over the years but this symptom of low self esteem remains, it seems.

After all, as many women will know, it's all very well to say 'love your body' but it's just not as easy as that in today's glamour-obsessed world!

And that's why I asked her to write me a short piece called, "Why a Woman Will Never Be Happy With How She Looks". And here it is. Watch out, though, Rachel pulls no punches - Bravo!)

(By the way, the issue of parenting and children's self-esteem is discussed in great detail at this website: Children's Self Esteem.)

Why a Woman Will Never Be Happy With How She Looks - by Rachel Cave

I live in the Western world; our economy is capitalistic. Capitalism is totally dependent on production and consumption (of products, services, etc.).

If women in the Western world were happy with their bodies, their consumption of fashion, products, magazines, treatments, exercise products etc. would dramatically drop and maybe (God forbid) come to an end. The female form is objectified, portioned off into consumerable segments (hair, legs, belly, face, lips, nails, tits) chopped up, wrapped in plastic and fed to an eager market of women hungry for their fix of glamour, in the mistaken belief that if they buy that cream, handbag, pair of shoes etc., they will – finallly– become beautiful.

How many women buy a new coat because the one they have has worn out? How many women join the local gym to improve their lung capacity and stamina levels?

Lest we forget, 'glamour' means deception – 'magic or enchantment, spell, witchery' – and like zombies, intelligent women with glazed junkie-eyes roam the high street, hungry but insatiable.

Capitalism will not allow women to like their bodies; it does everything in its power to keep us insecure and – therefore – consuming products and services that we don't actually need. I am not saying gym membership is a waste of money necessarily, but it might be if the woman paying for it is hoping that she is going to transform her comfy 45 year old body (that has produced 3 children) into the toned, honed tight-buttery of a pampered 21 year old. That month's subscription will be a shameful reminder of failure for the year long duration of that gym contract. And Mrs. 45 year old mum will soon be looking for more quick fixes, at more expense. Hence the rise of popularity, lately, of liposuction, tummy tucks, even labiaplasty (is nothing sacred?).

So what can we do for our children to prevent them getting sucked into the system? It's not just our girls who are affected although generally speaking it is the female form that capitalism harnesses for it's dirty work.

What we can do is occupy our bodies rather than let them (and our minds) be occupied by someone else's unhealthy thoughts and habits (that only services fat cat capitalists).

DO rather than BE (thin, beautiful, young, passive, skint...).

Laugh. Move. Dance. Play. Reclaim the right to explore our physicality for ourselves, to sweat, to get out of breath, to mess up our hair, to not wear make up. Because it feels good.

Your body and mind will grow stronger, healthier, more energised, and will be reclaimed as YOURS.

This – I believe – is our only hope. Either that or go and live in outer Mongolia. But I bet you can still get a subscription to Heat magazine posted there...!

Self image - what Soni Pitts says...

I somewhat cheekily asked Soni (of SoniPitts.com) to comment about the myth of 'real man', particularly as proposed by Rudyard Kipling in his poem If, on a blog of mine. And this is her reply, as it relates to the even more pervasive myth of 'real woman' and her body image:

"You have to be thin enough, but not so thin that it's obvious you're trying too hard. You have to be fit, without being too fit to be feminine. Pretty without being too pretty to be approachable. Smart without being scary smart."

(Soni then goes on to the broader issues of being a 'real woman', i.e. woman:

"You have to be pleased with the role feminism gave you (superwoman), whether you are interested in that life or not, because to prefer to stay home and play house is to be a traitor to all those who worked so hard to give you the privilege of dying of a coronary in a corner office (regardless of the reality that what they were actually trying to give you was a choice, not a mandate).

"You have to be Madonna and Whore, without being too much of either, or at the wrong time. (And don't forget to take your turn at being Harriet, Earth Mother, Oprah, Superwoman and Six, while you're at it.)"

Ouch! Real women out there - how do you do it? )

Thanks, Soni for sharing (and putting me in my place)! Actually, Soni says quite a bit more in her blog response to Self Help Collective's self image page.

Self image - what YouTube says...

This is a body image film by Dove (champions of 'Real women'). Listen to what girls and young women say about their bodies...

This is a video about body image, self image and self esteem from timelytv.com...

And this deeply personal self-esteem video pretty much says it all when it comes to self image.

How to Develop Positive Self-image

Self image - what Riggie Freyer has to say...

If you want to create the results in life you really want for yourself and your family, it's important for you to develop a positive self-image... And if you feel your already have a strong self-image, go ahead and create a formidable one.

Remember, your self-image is like a mental blueprint. It's simply a picture of what you think you are, not who you really are.

Everything you do and all your feelings are consistent with your self-image. Which means you literally act the role of who you think you are.

The reason working on your self-image is so important is that no amount of willpower, determination or commitment will help you change your behavior in the long term. Only in the short term. Sooner or later your self-image will return to its "old self" if you attempted to make lasting changes in your life - by using your willpower, for example. You must therefore change your self-image in order to change your results.

Your self-image comes from the environment your were in, and your early experiences in your childhood. Many of these experiences have caused us to see ourselves as stupid, fat, confident, lazy, and so on. Today, these past experiences are totally irrelevant to us, but we don't question their validity and regard them as being the truth.

I don't know about you, but it doesn't make sense to me to have a low self-image simply because we're keeping thoughts and attitudes which were formed years ago. It makes sense to make a conscious decision today to change the way you think and picture yourself, or you'll continue to experience a low self-image.

How you can Develop a Positive Self-image in a few Quick, Easy Steps

1. Accept yourself. Look in the mirror and learn to love yourself. Only once your love yourself can you love others. If you have physical features about yourself you don't like, learn to accept and like them. If you're overweight though, you can change that!). It's much like.... only when you have money in the bank, you can give some of your money to other people.

2. It's a fact that you are spiritually whole and perfect, and in perfect harmony with the universe. So learn to separate who you are from... what you have and what you do. What you have and what you do are temporary, and you don't want to identify yourself with what happened in the temporary stage of your life. For example, if you failed in your business this month, you're not a failure forever, so don't attach you self-image to what you've done. Simply watch all your mistakes and faults during this time without any judgment. Identify yourself with your higher-self which is changeless, perfect and complete. Won't it be easier now to dust yourself off and believe you can make big things happen, when you know you're in essence a perfect spiritual being?

3. Meditate for 10 minutes a day. See yourself vividly as a happy, lovable, confident and unstoppable person. Make your own one minute movie where you see yourself being effective and successful in all areas of your life. Vividly play a ten second clip of yourself being in a wonderful relationship, for example, and another clip of yourself achieving the goals you set in your job or business, and so on. Create any movie which makes you look and feel great. Keep practicing it daily, and concentrate on loving yourself - creating an unstoppable confident self-image.

4. Only invest time with friends who compliment you and support. Be aware of people who criticize your and pull you down. Do all you can to avoid them.

Remember, you're in control of your life. And your inner world does create your outer world. The more you concentrate on feeling good inside and building your own self-image, the easier it will be for you to love other people and succeed massively in your life.

Have fun... and it doesn't matter how you develop your positive self-image, what matters is that you're aware of your own image and that you invest a few minutes each day on improving it!

Return to self esteem or return to Self Help Collective home page

How Did We Do?

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