Responsible and Adult (Please)...
I can do relationships at work and can relate with my child, but when it comes to my relationship with my husband... It seems I am quite unreasonable with him, and I don't know why. I'd like to change this, and soon, otherwise...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: How Can I Become More Responsible In My Relationship?... MORE FROM Anon...
At work and with our child I am a responsible adult. I can talk in an adult way about things and I think I am pretty considerate.
At home with my partner, I expect to be loved no matter what
, I realise. With everyone else, if I am feeling moody or premenstrual, I get on with it. I am still nice to be around. But with my husband I let it all go, I am moody or resentful and shut myself off emotionally and physically. Also I avoid conflict and I find it hard to stick to agreements we make. So he ends up feeling like he has to be responsible for everything.
I would like help transferring the adult persona I have at work and as a parent in to my relationship. Otherwise I will lose the relationship.
How can I become more responsible and assertive in my relationship? Can anyone help out there?...
STEVE'S ANSWER"What you call flaws are really just scars and wounds accumulated over a lifetime."
-- Deepak Chopra
The first thing that comes to my mind reading your question, Anon, is how adult and responsible you are for being able to recognise (and address) your problem with your husband.
You've taken the first step, already, just by wanting things to improve, recognising that you have issues in the way you relate to your husband, and that you're prepared to investigate further.
Do you know how much more mature and responsible this makes you compared to the average partner engaged in relationship out there?
Okay, the next thing that comes to my mind is this: why not ask your husband this very same question
, worded how you've worded it? See what answers he comes up with.
If he's the loving husband you think he is, and if he's also mature and responsible, then you've no idea how wonderful it will be for him to hear this recognition of the problem you're having.
And let's remember it always takes two to make a good (or bad) relationship. Maybe he'll even take a look at himself, and how he's been relating with you, and see what else he can do to improve your relationship.
So, ask your husband
, and see if you can work out how to improve things together
That is how it works in mature and responsible relationships, I believe... :-)
Thanks for your wonderful sharing here, and I wish both you and your husband strength and courage to do what's necessary between you to live out that relationship you know you both deserve.
NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
(Dec 1st, 2015)