Overcoming fear? It's as 'simple' as A, B, C...


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The Why and How-to
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How to overcome fear?

Well, it all starts with recognising your fears in the first place.

And this is not as easy as it sounds, as you probably know. (And there's a reason for this! I believe that understanding fear is a vital spiritual pursuit, too, and that's why I love reading Guy Finley's spiritual perspective on fear.)

Then overcoming your fear and anxiety requires that you understand where your fears come from (clue: you learned most of them, growing up).

Then it helps if you play with this fear, if you imagine the worst happening and then ask yourself, 'then what?' and repeat.

But, ultimately, it's about facing fears.

(Bet you weren't expecting me to say that, eh! ;-) )

And this is all explained below via a Bryce Roadley article, two YouTube videos (by Dr Tucket and Ross Jeffries, respectively), and some very personal reflections on my own fears right now.

Yes, we're dealing with facing your fears, people, right here and right now! Won't you share too?

Overcoming fear - what I say...

I've said it elsewhere (on this fear of success page, actually) but it's still true, if there's one topic I've been wanting to write about (apart from happiness) it's fear, and in particular: overcoming fear.

And that's because I'm as haunted as the next man (or woman) by fear.

Thankfully, I'm also determined to learn how to overcome fear, too. I now believe that one's success in life relies heavily on dealing with fear.

So, first things first. The introduction to Bryce Roadley's article (Secrets of overcoming fear - see below) can be summed up by this somewhat depressing inspirational quotation on fear by Javan:

"A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love.
It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. And from the condition
of the world we can see that unfortunately there are some very good teachers."

Bryce then goes on to talk about the most common fears like fear of public speaking, and then he asks you to self-analyse your fears and ask yourself where these fears come from. (This is also a 'how to deal with fear' strategy echoed by DR Tucket in the YouTube video on overcoming fears, below.)

Finally, and inevitably, Bryce urges us all to take steps in facing our fears, using positive 'self-talk' before, during and after we try to combat fear.

Bryce Roadley's views are sensible and sound, I think. But let's look at how they apply in real life, in my real life.

Statement:

My name is Steve M Nash and I'd like to have freedom from fear.

I understand that fear is useful, sometimes, but most of my fears hold me back and were formed when I was too young to know any better. But I still unwisely rely on these fears now, as a mature adult...

Example Fear (#1):

Fear of commitment

Where does this fear come from? A 'troubled' early childhood, probably, and subsequent adult romantic relationships that 'failed'.

Reality (and positive self-talk): I have no fear of commitment (I've been in committed relationships in the past, and I'm committed to several other aspects of my life - e.g. work, friends, personal development) - I am actually mostly troubled by...

Example Fear (#2):

Fear of rejection

Where does this fear come from? Well, I actually think that this fear is more about fearing what other people might think of me - what sort of man is unable to commit? or what sort of man treats a woman 'like that'? etc.

Reality (and positive self-talk): the only person whose views matter about me are mine!

Okay, that's just a very quick look at my fears, at how I am going about facing and conquering fear.

Pretty much off the top of my head, too, if truth be known.

(How about you. What are you doing in your attempts to overcome fear?)

Importantly, I know that the rewards for overcoming fear and anxiety are great, for me. (And for you, too, I'm sure.) And it is these rewards I shall leave you with:

Reward (#1):

"I do not fear commitment.

"I am happy committing my life to the right person, to the right work and play activities that will lead to my living a fulfilled and happy life. I will never be frightened to stretch and challenge myself. Ever.

"My life will never again be limited, artificially, by fear!"

Reward (#2):

"I will always respect what others have to say about me, but I will continue to value highly what I say too.

"People often project their fears onto you; they do it unconsciously. But it serves no purpose to accept these fears as my own and I choose not to. However, any views about me expressed with compassion and love will be accepted by me with compassion and love.

"My life is... my life; I take full responsibility!"

Okay, I've said far too much. (As usual!.) It's time for messrs Ducket and Jeffries. But first, Bryce Roadley has his 'fear combat' say...

Overcoming Fear - Secrets to Overcoming Fear

Overcoming fear - what Bryce Roadley says...

Fear is a primeval emotion that we have had for a long time. It is this emotion that has resulted in the survival of the human race. Fear of a larger animal, a raging rapid or another human being who is stronger has caused our hormones to trigger the "fight or flight" response.

The only types of fear that one is born with are - fear of falling - fear of loud sounds - fear of abandonment.

(You can read more from Bryce here!)

Overcoming fear - what DR Michael J Ducket says (via YouTube)...

DR Michael J Ducket talks about how to overcome fear in this YouTube video. "Fear isn't even real... It only exists in the future... And since the future doesn't exist... Guess what? Fear doesn't exist, either!"... So have no fear!

Great, DR Ducket, so fear doesn't exist! But then why do need to overcome it? ;-)

Thankfully, DR Ducket explains all... :-)

(And so does Guy Finley's on his Q&A page on fear.)

Overcoming fear - what Ross Jeffries says (via YouTube)...

Ross Jeffries is a dating 'guru' for men, so his video is about overcoming fear of approaching women. But his views on overcoming fear (whether you're a man or a woman) are inspirational if you take the time to understand what he's saying about fear.

The key is to allow yourself to not know what's going to happen - to be "willing to accept uncertainty".

Ross is quietly spoken and I don't think the sound on this video is well-recorded, but I still urge you to listen closely (again, suited to both genders).

(Note: accepting uncertainty is really about acceptance, or accepting what is. And so, now, we're really in the realms of the spiritual a la Guy Finley.)

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