"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


My Rejection and Humiliation

by Kim
(Calgary, Canada)

This not so inspirational story was originally submitted as a tale of anger management. A husband abuses and disrepects and a wife occasionally 'snaps'. But I feel there are issues of self-esteem at play here, and it feels much more 'important' than an example of how anger plays out in someone's life. I wonder what you'll think when you read Kim's story...


(STORY THEME: Self-Esteem / Anger Management)

I think I have been angry for a long time, however I've kept it under wraps without exploding. But when I met my "future ex husband" he brought out the worst in me. He would do awful things even while we were dating, but I continued to stay with him... for 10 years.

This would happen over and over and over, he would go out drinking and stay out all night. And I remember the first time I asked him where he was and he told me it was none of my business.

He was so cold and I just couldn't believe it. How could he treat me like that? I felt so humiliated and rejected.

When I told him I thought it was my business he told me to get the f*** away from him and called me the C-word. I was dumbfounded and then angry. I "snapped out", but that only made him worse and I ended up apologizing as per usual.

The cycle continued and I spent pretty much the entire 10 years unhappy and angry. I never felt secure in the relationship or that I could depend on him or feel loved, and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

I tried having conversations with him but he wasn't a communicator. I was at a loss, with absolutely no control; I finally gave up asking him anything, I was just going through the motions.

Sometimes it would get to me so bad I would snap out and say horrible things and of course regret it later. You see, I have a very sharp tongue when I'm angry and the things I would say would really hit home to him... but he won out in the end and I lost.

When we finally split it really affected me: I lost my job, my home, and I now have nothing. Whereas he has a new home, an excellent paying job and girlfriends all over the nation...

I'm very resentful and angry about it, because it just shows me how unfair life is, the more evil you are the more good things come to you. I did everything to make it work, even shut my mouth and forgot about who I was to please him...and that angers me.

So much humiliation and rejection.

Kim


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Oct 11, 2010
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So many thoughts here...
by: Steve

Kim,

Thanks so much for sharing what is clearly a painful story for you. This is a big part of your life that you've shared with us, and it's only unhappiness that is revealed.

And as I read your story several thoughts came to my mind. And sometimes these kneejerk thoughts do not come from a place of wisdom, so I am going to be careful in what I express here.

Apologies if I offend, I do not mean to...

So I do think there is an issue of self-esteem here: many people would NOT have remained in this situation for 10 years - why did you?

I'm wondering what it is about your anger that might have contributed to your husband's (let's face it) appalling behaviour.

I'm wondering after such appalling treatment by this man why you 'suffered' at the loss of this relationship instead of rejoiced?

...Hmm, I really don't mean to reduce what you say to a few smug (and judgemental) soundbites and I am sorry for this awful period of your life. I'm sorry too, at the end of it all, that this man just carries on regardless whereas you are left damaged and rejected.

I do hope sharing your story here, Kim, has helped in some small way.

And I would love you to respond to this comment of mine.

Thanks again,
Steve

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