My Low Self Esteem Symptoms
Here's a very personal list of my low self esteem symptoms...
Low Self Esteem Symptom #1:
I only accept things I do that are flawless. I'm unable to be penetrated by my relentless nit-picky self-interrogation.Low Self-Esteem Sympton #2:
Other people's approval is necessary since my own approval may be inadequate. I need more sources than my own, never mind my own personal experiences in "being me". If YOUR view is approving or better yet, agrees with mine, then-and-only then can I praise MYSELF.Low Self Esteem Sympton #3
Everything is my fault!
If a situation turns out badly, I bet there was some out-come-tipping mistake (I made), or deep-seated-flaw (of mine) which contributed to the unfortunate outcome. It was ALL or MOSTLY me that f**ked it all up.Low Self Esteem Sympton #4
I have distorted perception.
I minimize (or almost forget) the good. Good events are either completely forgotten, or immediately followed by a sense that something had (or is about) to happen to "balance" it all out again. Either that or I focus on a small detail of the event which may not have been completely amazingly positive, and my interrogation team takes the reigns (see Symptom Number #1).Low Self-Esteem Sympton #5:
Self Acceptance is something which feels like it is over the horizon, embedded in someone else (out of my control, in THEIR hands), or in "another room".
My Thoughts on My Low Self Esteem Symptoms...PLEASE NOTE
- some thoughts on my low self
I took a lot of 'risks' in my life, before I came to the above assessment of my own low self-esteem
I've read on many forums that a common "symptom of low self esteem" is unwillingness to take risks, or go outside your comfort zone.
I don't remember being self conscious, feeling uncomfortable. But I do remember taking a lot of risks as a "why not" approach.
And after a while, it became clear that a lot of my low-self-esteam was making itself known through projection and self-fulfilling prophecies once I started taking "risks" and started "putting myself out there."
So simply TAKING THOSE RISKS and working against this symptom does not SOLVE the problem. If you were someone like me with very low, very long standing, very pervasive low self-esteem. It would make itself known regardless.
This means: taking risks, with an assumption of failure.
You may talk to that man/woman you've always wanted to, but you set yourself up for failure by needing acceptance, and being unable to give yourself the benefit of doubt. So you're afraid you'll fail when you try, and of course you do fail.
You act as if it's already true, and take part in making it true.
This is not a risk. The risk
at this POINT is risking standing up for yourself, and actually believing
(or pretending to believe) in yourself
. Putting oneself out to be vulnerable is important, but can be a problem if the risk taking in-and-of-itself does not improve your self-esteem.