My Low Self Esteem Signs
(Lake City, FL, USA)
I never thought that my trust issues were from low self esteem until it really started to hurt my marriage, my eating habits and how I related to my kids.
How do my low self esteem signs look? Like this...
- I am constantly thinking of reasons why my husband would want to leave, and all of those reasons are centered around why I am not good enough for him.
- Likewise, I am constantly bombarded with thoughts like, "You're not even good enough for your kids to want to be around you", "I am getting so fat" (when I know that I am a great weight for my height), "my husband will find someone who doesn't always question whether or not he actually loves her and he will leave".
- I also struggle with eating disorders. I am always telling myself that I am not thin enough, not pretty enough. I waste so much money on diet pills, I purge when I eat more than I think I should, I exercise like crazy.
- I put up walls to avoid getting hurt by anyone, because I know it will happen eventually, yet I am constantly hurting myself emotionally, so the walls are nothing more than a way to keep the hurt in.
- I am always second guessing my marriage, my actions, my abilities.
Basically, I have made myself miserable.
I have alienated my kids and I have caused every fight with my husband because I don't think enough of me to think that I deserve to be loved.
I don't keep friends because I don't want to get hurt, so I push them away one way or another.
I do have good days where I am the happy person I remember being when my husband and I met, but more and more frequently I revert back to those thoughts of not being good enough and not really being loved, especially by myself. I wake up every day thinking, today is going to be better
; I am going to like who I am; I am going to trust my husband.
And then most days, I end up with the same hate thoughts running through my head.
I would really love to know how to end this vicious cycle and to finally be the me that I used to be.
So, that's my story...