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My Low Self Esteem Signs

by Anon
(Lake City, FL, USA)

I never thought that my trust issues were from low self esteem until it really started to hurt my marriage, my eating habits and how I related to my kids.

How do my low self esteem signs look? Like this...

I am constantly thinking of reasons why my husband would want to leave, and all of those reasons are centered around why I am not good enough for him.

Likewise, I am constantly bombarded with thoughts like, "You're not even good enough for your kids to want to be around you", "I am getting so fat" (when I know that I am a great weight for my height), "my husband will find someone who doesn't always question whether or not he actually loves her and he will leave".

I also struggle with eating disorders. I am always telling myself that I am not thin enough, not pretty enough. I waste so much money on diet pills, I purge when I eat more than I think I should, I exercise like crazy.

I put up walls to avoid getting hurt by anyone, because I know it will happen eventually, yet I am constantly hurting myself emotionally, so the walls are nothing more than a way to keep the hurt in.

I am always second guessing my marriage, my actions, my abilities.

Basically, I have made myself miserable.

I have alienated my kids and I have caused every fight with my husband because I don't think enough of me to think that I deserve to be loved.

I don't keep friends because I don't want to get hurt, so I push them away one way or another.

I do have good days where I am the happy person I remember being when my husband and I met, but more and more frequently I revert back to those thoughts of not being good enough and not really being loved, especially by myself.

I wake up every day thinking, today is going to be better; I am going to like who I am; I am going to trust my husband.

And then most days, I end up with the same hate thoughts running through my head.

I would really love to know how to end this vicious cycle and to finally be the me that I used to be.

So, that's my story...

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My Low Self Esteem Signs

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Feb 21, 2011

Reluctance to allow life in...
by: Steve

Thank you so much for sharing your honest low self esteem symptoms.

Such a variety of 'crippling' ways to view your life and those that interract with you.

And as I was reading, I had a thought that you literally didn't want anything bad to happen in your life, so you couldn't allow anything good to happen either (for if something good happens then the risk is that it will stop).

Now I am certainly no expert at letting life 'do its thing' in my own life, but I do know pretty much for certain that you CANNOT limit life like this.

GREAT things and terrible things happen in life, to all of us and some time or another. The more at ease a person is with this truth, the more a person is likely to allow the GREAT and to quickly get over the terrible.

I suggest you don't fight with life like this, as you WILL lose...

Again, thank you for your honesty here, and I hope sharing here has helped in some small way! i hope you realise, too, that many of us reading your low self esteem signs will see ourselves where you are, too (to a lesser or greater degree - who knows!)

So... thank you!

And I wish you well in your allowing life to touch you more

Steve

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My Low Self Esteem Signs

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My Low Self Esteem Signs