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My Low Self Esteem Problem

by S
(Lebanon Oregon, USA)

My self esteem is something my mother has preyed on as a kid, and as an adult it is driving the people I love away.

And this is then making me feel as if I am not good enough for them...

That I have to be in control...

That I always know what they are going to say and do, and that it's going to hurt me...

That I expect people to hurt me, and when it happens - when I do get hurt - then I am very unforgiving; I hold it over their head for ever...

But I cannot take responsibility for my actions, because I feel I have to be perfect - so I have to be right, or I have to be smarter then others...

Which means I get really angry when people point out my flaws...

At the same time I can not stand for anyone to tell me when I am doing good either.

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My Low Self Esteem Problem

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May 30, 2011

Flaws
by: Steve

I also do NOT like it when my flaws are pointed out. So much so that I have avoided spending time with people who (I thought) seemed to delight in only talking about my flaws.

Now, though, I'm trying to welcome such feedback. Whether it is well-intentioned or not, I would like to know how I being experienced by others even if it means discovering parts of myself which are 'less'. (I can only improve, or grow, when I know what needs to change, after all.)

So I wish you well, especially your flaws. They aren't that bad y'know...

Steve

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