"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


My Girlfriend's Plastic Surgery (and Me)!

by Trent
(USA)

My girlfriend had plastic surgery a few years before meeting me, and she just recently told me this. It makes me feel concerned about her insecurity re her looks, and I wonder what I should do to make sure this doesn't become a problem...

"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: My Girlfriend Confessed to Having Plastic Surgery...


My girlfriend, who I love very much and have been dating for 11 months, recently confessed to me that she had plastic surgery about 4 years ago.

Even though it did surprise and bother me a little at first, I now accept it.

However, because my girlfriend had it done, to me that equals that she is/was insecure about her looks.

Or that her confidence level was low.

I'm not sure if that is a problem now, but I just wanted to know if I should watch what I say about her looks from now on, since it can be a sensitive subject for her.

For example, she used to be a little overweight and I know she is sensitive when this topic comes up.

Is there anything I can do to make sure this doesn't become problem for us in the future if she gets insecure with the way she looks again?...







STEVE'S ANSWER

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart."
-- Kahlil Gibran

A person's body image is a very sensitive subject, and your assurances that you find her/him beautiful/attractive are just not going to cut it - however sincere, and heartfelt.

(I created this body image page to highlight how much this issue is a scourge on the lives of many, right now!)

So it's good that you're aware of your girlfriend's sensitivities, but that is what they are - HER sensitivities: it is up to her to deal with them.

Your job is the same as any partner's: to love and to cherish her, and to enjoy your time with her as fully as you can. Only talk about the plastic surgery, or any insecurities she has about her looks if she raises the subject.

The cooler you can be with who she is right now, the woman you know, the better!

(By the way, how much has her plastic surgery made your girlfriend the woman you find attractive today? Answering that question honestly, at least to yourself, might help too.)

That's it. Job done. Oh, maybe visit the body image page above so you can realise just how pervasive this kind of thinking is for some women/girls (and men/boys) - it's scarily commonplace, and understanding it as such might help you understand your girlfriend a bit more.

Helpful?

Anyone else got any suggestions for Trent?

Steve


NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.

And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...

Steve
(Dec 1st, 2015)

 

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