My Fear of Self Story
by Sharon Starika
(Park City, UT, USA)
Sharon Starika: Movement Educator
Fear. It can be exhilarating, a rush; it can be paralyzing & traumatizing... Fear, we have all experienced it.
Where does fear come from, how is it triggered, and how do you respond?
Could fear become an ally instead of an enemy?
So, recently my daughter was 'falling off the ledge at school - her grades became poor, she was trying very hard, but she wasn't getting done what she needed to get done in several classes. I met with her counselor. During the meeting it became clear to me, she needed help. But a different kind of help....
As the counselor was going over each class, I was drifting in and out of thought... wondering where is she going to get the kind of help? Like any parent, I began to feel scared not knowing the answer for my daughter.
What is it she really needs? Who or where I was going to find the right kind of help?
In this same moment of uncertainty and fear, I suddenly got very clear, the person who needed to help her was me! Not another tutor, or special school. I needed to help her, yet I had no idea how. I was going to have to enter the unknown regarding her needs. There was no manual to do this. What was clear to me was there wasn't a program or person out there who could or would help her like I could. It was going to have to be me.
To be honest, at first I felt angry, why me? Why can't the tutors help her? I realized my anger came from my fear of failure. In this moment I reflected on my work, I live in the unknown daily - teaching others to learn miraculous things; in this moment I gained the courage to go for it.
I had nothing to lose.
Then I realized what a gift this could be for the two of us. In my childhood, I never had this type of help or caring, so I didn't have an example to fall back on. I didn't know what it was to look like, feel like, but I had the courage to try.
I stepped into the unknown, and started seeing what she knew, and what she didn't know. I trusted that in being present with her, choices and options and direction would present itself.
And it did.
It's like taking your first ski jump; a rush takes over inside you. In that movement in the anxiety there is exhilaration, and a sense of freedom. The dance began, me learning about her and finding in the moment a way to show her what she needed to know, what she knew, the variety of ways introducing thoughts, ways to solve problems, concepts, and direction.
And over the coarse of time, she discovered what worked for her.
In a very short time my daughter brought all her grades up to A's & B's.
However, this wasn't really what was important, is it? What is important is she began to learn new ways of solving problems, answering questions, and understanding problems. In her discovery, she started to feel confidence and excited about what she had done.
As a mother, I can truly say there in no better gift in the world than to stand by your child's side, be patient, open up the world for them, believe in them, and watch them unfold and develop.
I love this story about fear, and about trusting yourself to be able to deal with what seems to be frightening us. But most of all I loved the way that Sharon was able to be present, truly present, with her daughter - was able to listen deeply to her. And in that space both were able to access their innate wisdom, both were able to grow and become who they really were.
Talk about leading by example...
(Much of Sharon's story can be your story too, and mine, if we also choose to be present with ourselves, and our thoughts. In fact, being able to more readily do this is my journey for 2013, and I pursue it - in part - via Michael Neill's Living From The Inside Out program. Maybe I'll meet you there, in the Facebook group, or even in person, who knows...)