My Anger at My Girlfriend
by Davis Breckenridge
(Edmonton, AB, Canada)
A Continuous Re-Ocurring Horrible Way Of Expressing Anger And Frustration... Violently
I don't really have an angry moment to describe and/or tell you about. It is more of a description of how I eventually express my anger that should most likely be referred to as pure RAGE.
Almost all the time and any time that my girlfriend and I have an issue, problem, or try to tell the other how we feel about a certain situation... It turns into a full blown yelling fight.
Pretty much every time our discussions or talks morph into this screaming battle, I am overcome with this rage. That rage ends up being expressed in a violent way. I end up putting my fist through a wall or a door
, or I will smash my head against the wall, or I will grab any object within the vecinity, and throw it sometimes in the direction of my girlfriend, and sometimes those things hit her.
I get so mad, angry, and frustrated that I "see red" and snap.
Then I ALWAYS end up disgusted with myself
, and the fact that I have hurt my girl, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically.
I know that this is wrong and not any way to behave. There is no excuse for reacting that way or in such a fashion.
Now I know these things and I still end up exploding. I always do this with, and its always directed at my girlfriend.
I try not to blame her for me reacting like that, because I know I shouldn't. We can not control other people, what they do, say, and/or how they feel, we can only control our selves and how we choose to react.
But I still continue to explode in a blind rage where I end up hurting myself or her, and I have no idea what to do about it, how to fix this problem, or what steps I need to take because I am willing and wanting to work on my problem.
But I can't seem to put the knowledge that I have aquired to use, or input it into my brain as to use it to help stop this...
Can anyone please give me some advice on what I may have to (or should) do?