"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)
Low Self Esteem Problem
I DONT WANT TO BE ALONE...
I can't belive I'm writing this down so everyone can see how my self esteem issues are eating away at me day by day!
I've always came across to everyone that I am happy-go-lucky with great confidence and enjoyed a wild social life. But this all changed when I met my man - I now realise, after not going out so much and spending a lot of my time instead with him, that I'm not the confident and happy-go-lucky girl I made out to be.
I've had relationships in the past where the majority of them cheated on me so I've always suffered with a bit of insecurity.
Me and my current partner have recently got back together as I ended the relationship because I thought that he was a man that bullsh***ed about everything, even when he told me he loved me. I've never experienced so low feelings towards myself since me and my partner have been together. I think I'm no good for him - he can do so much better then me - why does he want to be with an ugly cow like me? I feel that I'm boring to him. And if a pretty woman walks past I look straight at him to see if he's eyeing her up; I find myself getting jealous to the point where I feel sick and wish I could be someone else.
He reassures me that he loves me but I still cant get it in to my head that he wants to be with me. I find myself missing out on going out because I can feel myself getting anxious about meeting new people especially his friends as I'm too judgemental on what they're going to think of me and think 'what the hell is he doing with a dim bitch like her?'.
I haven't even got any confidence to bring myself to have sex with him because of how paranoid I am about my body and chest and feel that I cant turn him on enough. I've lost 3 stone and a nice size ten now so you would think id be loving my new body... I wish it was the case!
We have a four year old daughter together and I even question my parenting skills over and over again, thinking that 'mummy's not fun', mummy's boring and if anything happens with me and her father I'm scared my child might want to go and stay with him!
I'm boring myself now by confessing my issues. I need help as I'm going to loose the chance to be happy. I'm on the first step by confessing on here... MADNESS!
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